Let's Try This Again...

Since I last wrote, a lot has happened, or should I say a whole lotta nothing has happened. I quit my job because well I didn't like it and I figured now's the time to do what you want. So I quit. And because I quit, I felt like I had nothing to write about. I still have nothing to write about, so I figured I would just make some stuff up.


It is summer here, full on heat. I. Love. It. With summer comes so many great things, pools, boats, crawfish boils. Granted crawfish is more of a spring thing, but spring here is basically summer. I digress. This weekend for instance, and impromptu tubing session occurred. I ended up scraping all the skin off my left elbow, but hey, it was fun. My legs are all sorts of bruised, I believe my shin came down on someones knee, or head, I have no idea, but it hurt. While gardening today I had a little incident with a shovel, broke the skin. And I'm sunburned. I'm basically falling apart.


So I will leave you with that for know. It's been so long since I've written, who know if anyone still checks this damn thing. We'll call this a test run.

Tequila and WIne, Another Austin Weekend

Taking Fridays off is a glorious idea. I don't know why I don't think of it more often. Last Friday was going to be a half day, but when I woke up that plan went out the window. I decided to take advantage of the beautiful weather and head to Austin early. It was a beautiful. I got to Austin around 1:30 and of course started my trip with food. Outside dining is what spring is all about. Since it wasn't quite happy hour yet, I switched it up and went with Italian food. Shocking I know.

After the food fest, H1 and I decided to spend the rest of the sunlight out of doors. We started at the driving range, because thy are BYOB and its cheap outside entertainment, really you should try it. Then we went to the park and watched the kites, tossed a baseball(?) and played big and little tennis. Little being half the court, its quite challenging.

After our strenuous work out session, it was time for tequila and queso, duh. At this point, something changed in me and I got hammered. I asked the waiter what drink had the most bang for my buck and he says the frozen margs. He brings out a fairly small size margarita but informs me it has three shots o tequila in it. Honestly, it was frozen tequila, and it was delicious. After we finished our very memorable discussion, sorry ladies it's gone forever, we headed up north for reverse happy hour. I did not need to do this. To make sure I was prepared, I drank a large sugar free red bull. Dumb. They haven't been "working" lately, but this one must have been super charged because I started acting like an 8 yr old who decided to down a Dr. Pepper Big Gulp. Embarrassingly hyper. Add to that 2 or 3 (again, I can't remember) margaritas and 2 or 3 vodka sodas and that was me at the end of the night. Drunk as a skunk.

The wine part of this weekend will come a little later.

Well Timed

This article was sent to me by my uncle.

I Ordered Water. At A Bar. I Must Have Been Drunk.

Good ole Austin. One big drunk tank. I always enjoy my time in Austin. Food, drinking, more drinking, breakfast tacos. Have I mentioned I love breakfast tacos? Well I do. So Friday was shaping up to be a solid night out. Started at El Arroyo for mexican martinis, because well, they're delicious. Skipped dinner, and by skipped I mean had chips and queso and skipped the whole entree idea. Smart move except for one tiny flaw. I got hammered. I started the night with Kate and Jordan but Kate went off gallivanting, so Jordan and I struck out on our own. Ended up at Key Bar, because we are old now and apparently it is unseemly to be seen on 6th street East of Congress. Who knew? Had a good time until one of the guys turned into quite the douche lord. What makes people think acting that way is charming? I certainly gave off enough bitchy signals to let him know it wasn't working, but I'm not sure if he got it. So sad. 

This is where it gets fuzzy so I will use my trusty blackberry to recap. I ended up dragging the girls to Maggie's (gasp! dirty 6th I know). Said hola to a couple of bartender friends who I will always be fond off because they saved my buttloads of moulah back in my school days. So very lovely to see them. I believe our next episode was a pedi-cab, which personally is just to guilt ridden. i believe I spent the whole time apologizing, then over tipping. Oops. BTW, I still haven't checked the bank statements from this night, too afraid to see the damage. Ok so, I know my last stop was Molotov, where the infamous water was ordered. I can't remember the last I drank water at a bar. Times they are a changing. It was also at Molotov that I remembered I had a key to Kate's place, which I thought was a block away. I was mistaken. As I trot on down 6th street, one block turns into two, two turns into ten. I was barefoot by the time I reached the door. In retrospect, I'm not sure why I didn't call Kate and alert her to plan. As I sit on her bed googling pizza places open after midnight. I hear someone open the door, but no one is there. I assume it is Kate, run and open the door only to find the porch empty. Confusing. Must have been a ghost. About 5 minutes later, I hear someone make a second attempt, This time I run to the door, throw it open, and scare the pants off Kate. Somehow we ended up with pizza, Kate is so supportive in my "eating healthier" routine. Low and behold, "Father of the Bride" was on, so you know I watched that until I fell asleep. 

Water... what a pussy.

Let Us Discuss One Of My Stronger Abilites

I am known, among other things for my ability to remember useless information. Whether it be regarding pop culture or people I met once's birthday, I don't forget silly things. Important things slip my mind, but if it can help me in no way, like a steel trap. I will get calls from people asking me a bit of random information and somehow I even surprise myself by knowing the answer. Just last week I spouted off two guys birthdays, just to prove my randomness. These "guys" were from high school and middle school and hadn't talked to either in over 6 years. So weird.

I have been called pathetic by some. Well excuse me, it it not a choice. I do not actively sit down with a calendar on Friday nights and put to memory all the birthdays. I don not quiz myself. I just know it. And I am far from infallible, I do not claim to be a master at pop culture. There is plenty I don't know. But tonight was one of those nights that proved I know enough.

Kate calls. Kate never calls, wonder what she wants.

Kate: I need to ask you a random pop culture question. But I don't have alot to go on.

Me: Alright, what do you need to know?

Kate: Well my boss looks like someone famous and I can't remember who. I'm going to describe her.

Me: It would help if you knew one thing she was in.

Kate: That's the issue I have no idea so I can't imdb her. All I know is that she has brown hair, a wide smile, and she's not like sexy or anything. She's a normal 90's movie star, kinda plays the b roles. Maybe she was in something with Chandler.

Really, wow, great description there Kathryn. So at this point I think of who could have been in a movie with Matthew Perry, or as Kate says, Chandler. Amanda Peet, not her. Salma Hayek, obviously not. Remember 90's....

Me: What about Neve Campbell (shot in the dark)?

Kate: Let me look her up. No, not her but close. I can't believe you got this close. You're ridiculous. I remember a scene where she was frazzled, maybe smoking a cigarette or something?

Me: (While looking at pictures of Neve), Well what about Parker Posey? 

Kate: Let's see. Oh my god that's her.

Let's see, out of the 3 clues I was given, one wasn't even accurate, Parker Posey and Matthew Perry haven't ever worked together. Somehow though, I found my way to her. Another satisfied customer, another ridiculous conversation. 

P.S. So this has nothing to do with the above situation, but my 11 year old brother just walked in saying something about the dog, and what did I do to her? I have a miniature dachshund named Darcy. She likes to sleep in jackets and blankets, and anything she can wrap herself up in that was left on the floor. I apparently left a north face on the floor. While she was trying to get out of it, she mistook the arm hole for the exit. She was able to get her head and front paws out, but then got stuck. She dragged herself out of my room by her two front paws. She was like an honest to god sausage in a casing. Highlarious. I held the jacket while James held her and I acted like she was a stubborn pillowcase and shook until she came loose. I doubt any of you have ever had that situation come up. 

The Follow Up Conversation

After Lindonia read my blog, she needed to know what brought me to my discovery. Honestly, I couldn't remember, it was just one of those things. But I prevailed and will share my thought process with the world.

Linden:  I'm totally loving this

 me:  quite the discovery

 Linden:  agreed

how did you find it?

 me:  hm, now i have to think

im not sure

ladonia was the key

 Linden:  let me know

 me:  ya, im trying to remember

working backwards

i found it yesterday, so i cant just hit a back button

 me:  ok, so this is just ridiculous

but i looked up my history

and it told me

so, i started with the orca shit

which lead me to dolphins

which lead me to flipper

i google image searched flipper

 Linden:  ok

 me:  got lost, gotta find the image

 Linden:  lol ok

 me:  ok google search flipper, on the second row on the far right therir is a picture of

as german shepard

with a monkey head

with a ram horns

obvioulsy had to see what the eff that was

 Linden:  haha, right

 me:  which lead me to the ladonia "new herald"

 Linden:  bahahahaha

I'm posting this convo on my blog. happening.

 me:  i was thinking the same thing

 Linden:  this is a pure gold nugget that should be shared with everyone

So, in case you were wanting to follow in the mental footsteps of a genius, there ya go.

What Do You Think Of Dual Citizenship?

In my many travels around the world (wide web), I came across a small micronation in Sweden. It was formed to preserve artwork built in the 1980's. It is called Ladonia and it now has about 14,000 citizens. Of course I was skeptical since I have never heard of such a place. Wikipedia, as helpful as it is, is not very trustworthy. But when I went to the Ladonian website, it wasn't much better. Research ensued. Did you know there is a British West Florida micronation? Ya, they think they should be returned to dominion status, and have the same relationship with Britain as say Canada does. What? I mean, I've heard of the Conch Republic, but to me that is just Key West people trying to assert there uniqueness. Apparently, all you have to do to make your own micronation, is declare it. Maybe this is well known knowledge and I'm just behind, but I this to me is falling along the lines Petoria. 

Back to Ladonia. Citizenship is free, all you have to do is apply online and you're in. Normally I wouldn't consider such a thing, but for $12, you can create a title for yourself. I could be a baroness, or a lady, or a countess. I could be Baroness Consuela Banana Hammock. A-maz-ing. 

Or, I could just make the Republic of Timber Cove and become the real Cpt. Amurica. Can you imagine? The possibilities are endless.

P.S.  Ladonia sounds alot like Lindonia, so maybe you should join and take your rightful place.

The Milkman's Baby

I come from a family of skinny people. I don't mean thin people or people who have to work at it, I mean bony, skinny people who are annoying. In my extended family, there are normal people. Some thin, some athletic, and some who could stand to lose a couple of pounds. But in this whole, monstrous family, I came from the two freaks. My mother, at 5'10" is on the tall side. She was a runner in high school and weighed about 120lbs until the greatest thing in her entire life happened: me, obviously. Then there is the Daddy. He is all of 5'9", weighing in around a whopping 150lbs, skinny bastard. Nathan, the 22 year old brother waited until college to weigh over 130. He is 5'11" and couldn't gain a pound over 125 until the age of 18. More than frustrating. The boy was on a special high calorie diet. He had to drink chocolate milk for the extra fat. And as far as James goes, we'll just have to see. He's 11, but he is on track to be the tallest. He worries about getting fat, because then what will happen to his six pack. Really? Then he comments about how fat he is. I hate him. I tell him I was skinnier than he was at his age, and he just laughs and laughs. I am by no means fat, but I am not a skinny freak either. At 5'8", I am a shorty. Even though my dad is only a little over an inch taller, he's seems much bigger, because well he's my dad. I am different. And you would think, that as strong as these skinny genes are, I would not have to work so hard. I was the athlete in the family. They all were runners, but I was the swimmer. I am normal. They are not. I did every sport there was to do in middle school. I took all the classes, camps and training my dad, grandma, mom would sign me up for. I ate as much as  I could, or I would fall over. It was great. You see the difference between myself and the men in my life is they don't LOVE food. I love food. SO being in sports was awesome. Waking up every morning to 2 hours of swimming was a great way to not gain weight. Hear I am, 6 years later, missing the grueling workouts that were the bane of my existence. 

But the differences don't stop at body type. They are all brunettes. Granted, I'm no longer a blond, but I was for a longer time than any of them. Then we can move onto the intelligence. Both of my parents are chemical engineers. My brother is now an electrical engineer. James will now doubt be able to take things apart with the greatest of ease. What was my practical sciency major? History. Yes, a liberal arts major. And no, I do not teach. Something about a lack of patience. And the kicker, my family is painfully shy. My parents have learned to be better with age. Now it still takes time to see them as outgoing people, but they can come off a little harsh because they are shy. As far as Nathan is concerned, people don't even know he exists because he is never around, avoiding social engagements like the plague. His voice was unheard for years it seemed. They say a talkative older sibling makes it harder on kids. I just think what I had to say was more interesting, that theory can't possibly be right. James on the other hand is a mix. He can be shy, but once he's comfortable, he gets way to comfortable. Like whoa buddy. Except for the fact that I have the exact same face as my mother and share a hereditary ear anomaly with my father, I would swear I was adopted.

Celebrating Is Hard On The System

The past week has been quite a doozie. There is nothing quite like having a friend force you into over indulgence because they have some thing going on. Be it leaving me, Kate, or coming back to remind me you already left me, G.Mc., there is no way to say no. I even had an engagement party to attend in the middle of all this.

So my weekend started Wednesday, a la college style. Honestly, if this weekend had happened 2 years ago, it might not have even made a blip, but man am I out of practice for the marathons. Started with margaritas, seemed safe enough, but never trust the $1 margaritas, something is always wrong. The plan was to go have a couple brews at my local watering hole, but somehow we got swept up in another awkward and forced CLC reunion. That is until I got absolutely hammered and decided that these people were my actual friends, not just people I passed in the hall for 4 years. But not only was high school discussed, but middle school, because the memories from high school just weren't embarrassing enough. Somehow, Kate in all her infinite wisdom managed to get me to chauffeur her over to Taco C for one last terrible decision (the next morning I got a text informing me that her car is covered in queso, hilarious because it wasn't my fault). We were interrupted my her dear mother, who was then informed by Kate that she was ruining "our moment". Whoa Nelly, not sure what that means. Since the moment was over, I went home, to awaken mere hours later with one of those headaches that makes you stop caring about absolutely anything except how to stop the headache. Great way to go to work on a busy Thursday, so professional.

Without being fully recovered, mentally or physically, a visitor from the north arrived and the revelry continued. Which brings us to bowling. I had the best and worst games of my life. I mean just embarrassingly terrible first game. I played better as we kept going, but I'm not sure i was able to erase the memories of the other players. Terrible. Woke up ready to eat the glory the is a Classic breakfast. Stuffed. Little Woodrow's for day drinking. Random bars for Sunday Funday. It really was just too much. I took Monday off to recover, and yet am still just too tired to work.

I ended the drink fest at Kate's with wine. I can see how that could be confusing because this blog is half about how Kate left me so how could I be at her place. Well The Bachelor was one, and I think I've made i clear that this crap TV show is just entertaining enough to make me watch it if I'm bribed with wine. Donna, the mother, and I watched our weekly dose of b.s. TV. Our routines not going to change just because Kate left, ludicrous, but next week my Momma is coming with me, so the cycle will continue.

I Forgot What Sun Looked Like, Thank You For Bringing It Back

This weekend was a good weekend. I didn't leave the T Cove once, not once, from Friday to Monday morning. And yet, I wasn't bored. Some Saturdays, I wake up and can't wait to find something to do. Last weekend that something was drinking, this weekend, running. Doesn't even sound like the same person, I know.

So after work Friday, I saw Valentines Day. It was cute, funny, everything you would expect it to be. Just a solid movie. Plus, there was popcorn, so I was happy. When I got home, it was impromptu movie night with the ladies. About 8 of my moms friends came over for dinner, dessert wine, and 500 Days of Summer. I love oatmeal chocolate chip cookies. Love them. But since everyone of the people there was on one "diet" or another, the plate kept getting pushed from end to end of the table, because people have no self control. Yet somehow, the plate was empty in only a few minutes. Where did the diets go? Needless to say, i was drunk early, watched some Olympics, because I am in fact an American, and then passed out only to awaken to a horrific red wine headache.

Saturday started gross. Gray gray gray. It's been gray for weeks I feel like. Someone up there heard the bitching and the sky opened up. Awesome. I went on a run (on a Saturday?!?) Shocking, I know. What can I say, I'm trying. Sat on the patio for a bit, because, again, it was awesome outside. See for yourself...

Then we went to a neighborhood VDay party. Pink margaritas = greatness, thank you momma. Cindy went and brought her damn cookies, for the second night in a row, so I ate those with some other delectables. Confiscated a bottle of champagne, which was finished by Hallie, Kate and myself. Speaking of Hallie, Congrats on the new house Anne! Movin' on up. So Saturday ended the same way as Friday, drunk and well fed.

Sunday was more of the same. Running, drinking, eating, movie. This time it was "The Invention of Lying". Good movie. When I left for work on Monday, I realized I hadn't ventured out in over 48 hours. Weird how full a weekend can seem when you actually did a whole lotta nothing.

Smörgåsbord

I have a lot of half-blogs running through my head, so I will join them to create one giant monster blog. Well, we'll see, maybe it won't be "giant".

Thoughts from Tuesday's possible blog. The Bachelor is crap. I watch it, but it is crap. One of the reasons to indulge is the next day chit chatting that ensues. I always find it fun to rehash and bitch about the previous episode. But c'mon Jake, Vienna? Really? Super gross.

The weather. I know that rainy weather makes us thankful for warm, sunny days. I don't care. I hate it. One or the other, weather gods, one or the other. Nice, sunny, bright, cold as fuck days, totally doable. Warm thunderstorms that make 2pm look like 8pm, cozy. Sleet, the bane of my existence. I have only been running for a month now, and half the time, it has been crap crap crap. I think god just likes me out of shape. That must be what it is. Some of you I'm sure are saying, just go to a gym. Well a gym costs money my friends, money I don't have.

The weekend. My brother and father are heading up to New England to ski with the cousins. I have never skied in the east, only in west, and was quite displeased when I found out like 2 days ago I wasn't included in this trip. The purse strings are tightening. I of course am referring to my mother.

But with them gone, that means the house will be half empty, sweet. As I am writing this, I am realizing that maybe I haven't made it perfectly clear that I live "at home". I'm sure you could figure it out, but maybe I haven't stated it. It is not something that defines me, I just happen to find it more appealing than working in hell (read Boca). Moving on. Momma has proposed a movie night to the women of Timber Cove, so we'll see what happens, and if I decide to go.

Almost lastly,  Julie I am jealous of your Mardi Gras, truly. As far as cameras go. One of ours was actually dropped into a glass of water, basically placed there by the owner. Very nice. But cameras are needed, or else your whole trip will be lost. The likelihood of you remembering the night 12-15 hours in is doubtful. At least it was for us. Think, "The Hangover" camera montage.

Lastly, how is "a lot", not one word. Stupid. Oh, and people using their instead of they're. I'm channeling Ross at the moment. Red Ross.

Done.

Who Knew I Could Have Such A Productive Weekend

This was a good weekend. Fun from end to end. I started it off by leaving work early, already off to a good start. Lindonian came over around 5 to start the party, which for those of you who don't keep track, was a First Friday party. Chatted it up with the neighbors, ate to much, drank an "appropriate" amount, and passed out feeling good.

Woke up feeling, not so good, but what lay in front of me was a long empty Saturday. Something must be done. Made a few calls, and decided to head into town to play with my little baby cousins. As I am heading out the door however, I was informed that a trip to the brewery was happening, switch plans, and was drunk by 3, oops. Headed to Amy's and proceeded to lose my voice in a yelling contest with a 2 year old. Technically it was a roaring contest, I believe we were supposed to be T-Rex's, not sure. From there I moved about 10 blocks south to the couch of another cousin. Tried my hardest not to embarrass Justin on his date, but sometimes he makes it too easy. Went to Rebel's, reluctantly. I like the people we were meeting, but this bar is not so much my scene. Think cowboys wearing Affliction. Yuck-o. Crowded as shit, people spilling on you every few minutes, and old men keeping their hands on the small of your back a little bit too long. Thanks for the memories. At some point near the end, I ran 3 doors down, to say hola to other people. Wanted to get in a fight, but what's the point in winning a contest with a spineless pussy? Made it home, and by home I mean the place I sleep at least half of the time, the lovely couch. 

Was awoken by Justin announcing the fact that he was up, which I found pointless, lost an argument about tacos, went to get tacos from Chiloso's Taco House. By the way, these are my new favorite tacos. The tortillas are so good, they makes you forget that you are hungover. And after that, well I think you can assume how it went. Beer, food, football. The end.

My Amazing Powers of Persuasion... If Only I Could Use Them On Someone Besides Myself.

Per my previous post, I am running this year. I'm not saying something ridiculous, like run a marathon. My goal is to run 5k's, emphasis on the "s", as in multiple. If I went out and ran, I could run the 3.1 miles it took to fulfill this goal. But the reason for the "s" is that I believe that if I am in good enough shape to run 5k's, I am in good enough shape. And contrary to popular belief, I like working out. I understand the concept of endorphins. It makes me feel better. Physically and mentally. Now, with all these reasons, it would take quite a professional manipulator to convince me I would be better served sitting on the couch. Enter, me.

I have been running now for 3 weeks, no big thing. But seeing as how once you workout for a couple of weeks, you get addicted, I am in crucial "keep at it" phase. The first 2 weeks went by easy. Ran my mandatory 3 times the first week. For the second week, I got out there 4 times. I knew the cold weather was coming, so I wanted to front load my week so I wouldn't miss workouts. Cold weather you say? If I am speaking to yankees, you will not understand. For the first 2 weeks, I was running in the upper 60's. It was glorious. The last 6 days have been in the low 50's. I do understand the 50 is not cold, but coupled with darkness and rain, it's just not going to happen. Nope.

Monday. I have all week. We'll wait till it warms up a bit.

On Tuesday, I decided, fuck it, I can do it. But then I remembered that only 5 minutes earlier I had decided to wash my running clothes, because I wasn't running that night. Very tricky on my part. 

Wednesday. Enough is enough. I don't car how cold it is, I'm running. On the drive home, the rain started. At first it was just spitting, I decided I was gonna be real tough. But by the time I got home, pouring. Not gonna do it.

Which brings us to Thursday. Make or break time. My phone was dead, so I had to charge it, for music purposes. Run without music? What is this, the '90s? So while that was happening, I turned on the TV, got wrapped up in a show, so I had to finish that. You can feel where this is going right. Master manipulator at work, the later I wait the colder and nastier it gets. There's only one thing that can bring a person back after such an enticing argument: a snide comment from The Mother.

Yes, she was there, in all her glory to ask the obvious question, " so, how was the run?". I'm going, geez.

So I went. I ran. I'm home. Where's the remote?

No Joke, I Met Someone Who Didn't Know What A Koozie Is.

A while back, I started to examining my blog. Many blogs I read have a weekly/monthly item. Lindonian has her cocktails and MODG has her Friday confessions. I have noticed a pattern in my writing, and it has to do with Mo's. I have previously defined "Mo", but it was so embedded in a rant, I can hardly blame someone for missing it. Therefore, my personal periodical of choice will we be titled, "Mo is for Moron". I have already written a few installments, but from now on, I'll try to have a little more structure.

Koozies. A delightful contraption designed to keep your beer cold, and your hand warm. I realize not everyone is me, and not everyone has one on them or in their car at all times, I do not judge you. I myself am a "comfort" person. I like having a warm hand. The Mo for the day is a yankee residing in South Florida. Let's call him Teddy. I'm sure you are assuming that I chose to respect his privacy and keep his name a secret, but no. His name is in fact Teddy, and he is a Mo. 

While I myself was living in Florida, I was constantly under ridicule for my little neoprene friend. His clever retort was always the same, "Well, I drink my beer fast enough that it doesn't get warm". I of course followed with, "Ya, and what about your hand, dumbass." Teddy: "Oh, right, uhhh...". But the whole thing started with him asking, "what's that?", or, "what do you call that beer thing again?" Really? Beer thing?

Now compare that with the 30 minute conversation I had with my cousin about koozie design. For his ranch weekend, he is making koozies instead of the traditional t-shirt. It was my job to edit his wording, pick a font, add a decal, scale down the Lonesome Dove quote, an make it all fit on a koozie. Once I had done that, I sent it to him to verify and the 30 minute gchat ensued. What about this? Why not move that there? Should we put a date? And on and on. So today, I emailed him again, after we had already finalized the plans. A new idea had formed. I send it off to gain approval. Approval was of course given, for I am a design genius. In addition, I was forwarded another email, from a third party, who my cousin had asked to review our plans. I put his ideas into action. So let's see, my mother handed the project off to me. Kay Ann will be doing the ordering. I was in charge of design, and Ben and John handled the final product. I'm just saying, we take our koozies seriously. I hope the boys of Ranch Weekend 2010 appreciate them as much as we do.

People Who Are Just Asking To Be Lied Too

When the topic of "what celebrity do I look like" comes up, I cringe. It is just one of those moments where something bad could be said. This topic came to mind because a recent FB chain popped up.

 "During this week change your profile picture to someone famous (actor, musician, athlete) you have been told you look like. Lets keep this fun going...post this to your profile and see who does it!"

Ok. Personally, not big into the whole chain status thing, but if I was I would still skip this one. I say that because the girl's profile I found this on changed her pic to Giselle Bündchen. Give me a fucking break. I'm not saying this girl is unattractive, I'm just saying that who in there right mind would want to be compared to Giselle. The woman is a goddess. A) you don't look like her. B) if you think you do, get glasses. C) we all know you are just waiting for us to say "OMG you sooo do." Bite me.

 

And what if your friend looks like someone unattractive. They don't necessarily need to be unattractive, but you could see them as an unattractive cousin. Do you think said person is going to like this compliment. Probably not.

Or there are people like me who look like no one, so we get told we look like everyone. I take the compliment, say thank you, and go on with my life. But never do I think, "they were right. I do look like Julia Roberts". Because I don't. 

 

 Now, there are those friends who do look like attractive celebrities, and you are able to tell them so truthfully ( J-Money, you know who you are). I am not saying you should hold in such a compliment, but do make sure it is a compliment. It can be a dangerous topic of conversation.

And, If you feel strongly that I do in fact look like someone famous, I will not reprimand you for telling me. Just make sure it's not someone crappy.

 

The Gambino

It is babysitting time in my world, and I am babysitting one crazy 6 month old. And at over 75lbs, one incredibly large 6 moth old. I would like to pretend for just a moment that at least one of you was fooled into thinking I was talking about a real child and not a great dane, but I doubt it. I went on a run, woo hoo (meaning I actually was able to keep a promise to myself). Now we will be eating dinner and watching crap TV because Momma can't stop us. Also, I just stopped him from eating a stick, who eats sticks?? I like to spoil my godson.

Let Me Tell You About My Saturday Morning or There Are Some Mo's In H-town

This Saturday, I went to a class pertaining to my job. It was a mandatory orientation class but I was hopeful that I would be able to apply things I learned to the real world. Wrong-o. I am all for "bettering" myself and taking time to learn about my job, but this was ridiculous. Now, I can't divulge to many details, because the woman who ran the show made it clear she googles herself on a daily basis and I'd rather not start something unpleasant. We'll just call her Ash.

The room was had about 50 people in it of all ages, but at 24, I was definitely the low end. The class was about getting your name out there, and using websites and other tools to their maximum potential. Instead of asking us, have you heard of Facebook, she would say, "just FB me". I of course understood, but not everyone uses abbreviations to the extent of our generation. And yes most people know what FB means, or what Facebook us. But there were 60 year old men in this class, so let's give them a break. After she said it, she would pause, find the blank faces and say..."Do you not know what FB is? Facebook? Oh I have to show you." Every time. And yes, FB is well known, but she used it for at least 20 different websites. And every time, she would wait until someone had a blank face so she could "inform" us, the wait for the oohs and ahhs from the crowd. 

To add insult to injury were the jokes. Geez lady. She would say sentences, that were not in fact jokes, but would emphasize them in such a way that people laughed, I assumed out of politeness. You aren't funny. But somehow, they KEPT laughing. I couldn't believe it. I thought it would be us vs. her, but no, I was all alone in my cynicism.

She also kept saying "did ya get that? did ya get that?" Um yes lady, I heard the words you just said and understood the meaning. I swear she said it 75 times. Or after her "jokes", she would say "just saying". I am a user of just saying but she abused it to an inch of its life. Just sayin'.

I know I'm not doing this woman justice, I wish I had a recording, because I know I sound like some hyper critical, mean person. And I am. But I'm telling you, this woman could be a drinking game. Now on a weird, not so annoying just interesting point, we saw about 7 different pictures of her. All of them were different. She is in a business where you have a lot of head shots. One for twitter, one for Facebook, one for your business cards, other websites. Yadda yadda yadda. Now when I say different, ai don't mean backgrounds, I mean it looked like different people. The woman standing in front of me and the woman on her business card looked nothing alike. Then her Facebook picture appeared to be of a woman 15 years older. And she was decent looking in person, so I didn't understand why all her pictures of so funky. 

I guess this blog can be filed under the no patience heading.

Victorious Yet Again

So, I had a couple of victories this week. Small yet significant. I think we all know how I feel about Lonesome Dove, so I won't go into that, but I will say that it confuses me how someone could not like it. And by confuse I mean 100% don't understand. I know many people who have never read or seen it. That is "fine". I also understand thinking you won't like it for varying reasons (length, it's a western, it was made in '89). But once you have seen it and claim to not like it, then you are just being stubborn. Moving on.

Kate is one of the many people who refused to watch it with me. Too long. But Kate has a weakness. Pralines. So for my first victory, I tackled the sickeningly sweet desert, and voila. A trade was made, 2 hours of LD if I was to make pralines. Only one problem. I have heard pralines are difficult to make. I was afraid, and rightly so, that if I came to the viewing with sub par pralines, her end would not be upheld. With the prospect of a convert on my hands, I was able to pull off some very impressive sugary pecan clusters. They. Were. Good.

Second victory. Lonesome Dove is 4, 1.5 hour parts. Kate was not very optimistic. Honestly I don't think she thought I would follow through, jokes on her. After part one was over, I automatically started part 2. After that we took a break to prep dinner. Part 3 was watched while eating dinner. At around 9:00 we made the decision, "why stop there?". Onto part  4. Seriously. We watched the WHOLE thing. It was awesome. Her mom and sister came in for varying parts. Momma knew the story, but Sally was lost. She happened to come in during one of the more, shall we say, moving moments, and was quite confused as to why I was crying so profusely. Gets me every time. When the show ended, Kate said she loved it, and wanted to go read it right away. It was great. Her words. So, with that as evidence, I implore even you strongest of naysayers to give into what could be some of the best hours of television you ever watch. Ever.

P.S. You'll notice that Tommy Lee Jones, Robert Duvall, and Diane Lane made the top 10 lists. All three were in LD. All three were awesome in it.

Running, Forrest Gump Style

Nothing like a marathon to get you thinking about your own running habits. If it's gonna be a marathon, it might as well be a cross country trek a la Gump. They are about as likely. So my Uncle Mark ran the Houston Marathon this weekend, at the age of 56. I watched him cross the finish line and my parents followed him most of the way.

 James, Dad, Uncle Mark

Now, never say never, but it is HIGHLY unlikely that you will ever catch me running a marathon. So with that in mind, let's start small. When I run, I do about a two mile stretch. Sometimes less, sometimes even less. But two miles. So for the first goal, it'll be a 5k. Nothing too difficult. To apply pressure to the situation, the family has volunteered me to run next year, in one of the 3 events. The full marathon(good joke), the half marathon(keep dreaming), or the 5k (bingo). A promise is a promise, and if my uncle can run 26, I can run 3. Having a year to run a 5k seems simple, and it is. But I would like to be in good enough shape that I can run it, with family watching, and not hang my head in shame. So this is the year of 5k's I've decided. My brother and father run them, so I know I'll have company. There, my goal is set (match).

The Ladies Of The T-Cove

So, I awoke this morning, with the sound of my mother chit chatting at the door. It was a voice I recognized as the one and only J Brant. Time to get up. The ladies of the TCGC were about to descend upon us. I had two options. Skedaddle. Or stay and help. I chose to stay. I was in charge of food prep. My mother in charge of checking every nook and cranny. Because of that bastard hurricane, we have recently had a remodel. Not extreme, but the house looks good. Many of the women haven't seen it since before, so this was its unveiling. 

Then J Brant came back bearing gifts. Nothing special really. Just a beautiful bouquet, she just whipped up from her own garden. That woman. Here I am microwaving and thawing frozen finger foods like its gourmet, and she comes in all mother nature. Love her, really I do, but it is frustrating to see someone do something you are totally not capable of. I mean, I'll never swim like Aaron Peirsol, but that's like godly ability. Common tasks and everyday things are more frustrating. Like when you follow someone recipe EXACTLY and it tastes fine, but not awesome. What is that?

Anyways, the lady who lunched, came and well, lunched. I had a jittery amount of coffee, shooed them out the door, and then off to work. Now, the coffee is wearing and I am hungry. What cures hunger and tiredness? Anybody got some crack?

The Blogoshpere

It took me about 2 years to actually start my blog. I set up the site, I looked at the colors, but no writing happened. Then with the pressure from Linden, I decided that I could figure out something to write about. I have thoughts. When I started writing, it was more like a journal. I was writing to myself. Then it was more in email form. I wrote to my friends, trying to keep them connected as we scattered over the globe. I had a clear vision, drinking and the events it causes. But what if I don't drink. Ridiculous question, I'm aware. But really, I take a weekend off, and I feel as if my writing suffers. Then there is always the back up of football, I mean I could go off on some rants about football. But some people ain't into football. Some people actually dislike it. We call those people communists. Then there are the personal stories I find "pee your pants" hilarious. A lot of funny ass shit happens to each of us everyday, ok some days suck. But still, said in the right tone, people will even laugh at misfortune. But again, maybe that's just me. My mother says I get a sick/mean sense of humor from her. I think people just need to learn to laugh at themselves, but that's a whole other issue. So what should I write about everyday?

My favorite blogs don't have a  theme so much, and I guess that's what I'm going for.Let's discuss themes. I like my cousins' blogs about their babies. But I like them because they are my cousins' babies. Living in California means I see them like once a year, if that. I am in no way baby crazy, but I do love my family, and it would be sad to see them 3 times before the age of 5. Other peoples babies, eh. I mean ya, so they're cute, but I don't care. The diapers and the no sleep and the feeding and the crying. No. Thank. You.

Then there are the cooking blogs. I like cooking. I like eating. But for me, I use these blogs in a more one time usage. Very, wam, bam thank you m'am style. The recipes are good, the advice is good. But I always stumble across them when I already have an idea in mind, and google search sends me on my merry journey. In no way do I think cooking blogs are inferior. They are a vital part of my culinary attempts. And maybe one day I will find one that strikes my fancy. Let that be a challenge to you.

The travel blogs. Handy. Travel blogs are handy. Very useful. The hard thing with travel blogs, is you have everyone from your grandma, to your one night stand reading it. Sometimes content and grammar can be an issue. Still, handy.

But to me, the everyday blogs are the best. A bit of everything. But what blogs do we read?

Well, there are the family blogs. Then the friend blogs, the travel blogs, the bored at work blogs.The we find blogs, some by accident, some by suggestion. And we read them like we know them. We read them because if we stop, some how they will know and it will hurt there feelings. It truly is an addiction. 

So,I guess I have finished my novel for the day. It all started when I had nothing to write, so I thought, "Let's break down the reasons why." Not really, way too deep for me.

What Am I Going To Do For The Next 34 Saturdays?

I feel like it was only yesterday that I was drunk in Austin for the first football game of the season. Alas, all good things must come to an end. And I say good to try and not sound bitterly upset that out perfect season ended with less than anticipated greatness. Honestly, it is a surreal feeling. I'm not that upset. I mean, I wish with all my heart it had turned out differently, but what can you do. If they had flat out beaten our full roster, maybe I would be more upset. But to me this is like James beating me in a race if my feet had been cut off. I think he's gonna win. I was hopeful the whole game. Comebacks are awesome, and that kid pulled out some impressive passes that he should be congratulated on. I wish for his sake this wasn't how his career had started. I know he's taken snaps, but now he will be remembered as the one who couldn't save us. He'll just have to do something awesome in the next three years to change our memories. Anyways Gilbert, give 'em hell, give 'em hell.

College Football, Your Day Has Come

I'm going to try to keep this rant short, but I realize I'm off to a bad start when I call it a rant. I love college football, and I'm sad to see it go. It was a great couple of months. I'm also sad to see the sad state of fandom in this city. We are in Texas for god sake. I know all you Aggies are butt hurt from the sad state of your team, but c'mon, Bama? And I guess you LSU fans are slightly less in the wrong, SEC and all, but then again, why'd you go to LSU in the first place? All I ask on this holiest of holy days is that I have a group of Longhorns to watch the game with. I could go to Austin, but that's a bit of a drive. Per my post, I'm not very nice. I am also not a good sport. Texans, Astros, Rocktes, it all bums me out but I can handle it. UT makes me mean. I don't want to be hanging out with some people who don't care either way and have to deal with their shit talking. I'm not a good sport, I won't think it's funny. I'm nervous.

HOOK 'EM HORNS!!!!!

More Evidence That I Am Not A Person With Patience

People annoy me. A lot. I don't mean they really annoy me, I mean that I am annoyed, on varying levels, a lot of the time. Stupidity, for example, is a large, contributing factor. Interrupting me, or others I am trying to listen too, quite annoying. Then there are the incompetent drivers. If I have a child, my driving profanity will have to be one of the things I work on the most. Might not even happen, who knows. Let's start with the geniuses we all run into on a daily basis.

The workplace. I have not exactly placed myself amid the Mensas of the world. When I started in hotels, most of my bosses had degrees from college. Some however, did not. But this is not the defining line between smart, and shall we say dumb as dirt. As a child, I have always listened to adults. They were generally smarter than me. Up until age 7 that is. While in Florida, everyone believed they were the end all be all. I was in a less than glamorous position, and these yahoos thought that made me illiterate. Wrong-o. This might have actually been where the whole "stupid people need to go" thing started. The systems and plans they had were mind numbingly backwards and redundant. There was no organization and no efficiency. It was beyond unbelievable. And as much as I would try and help and explain that there were better, simpler ways, no one would listen, for I was just "the help". Ok, back to the present, Florida always gets me off on a tangent. I work with a mo'. Now, for those who don't know my particular brand of speech, that would be a mo-ron. The instigator of this piece is a woman in my office. My examples will seem small and not that bothersome to you I am sure. But believe me, you wouldn't be able to stand her either. In the beginning, I didn't notice anything. She seemed nice. Then the stupid questions began. Then she started to talking to my boss like he was a child, pointing out his own property, like you would point a cow out to a baby. I think he knows its there, its his property! Another thing, she complains all the time!! On the phone, by the coffee, at lunch, in the car. All the time!! And its about her HOA, I get that the hoity toity can be a bit much, but you are one of them. So today, we are in the kitchen, cutting the birthday cake for someone, it was around 10 AM. I, like so many others, am working on not eating crap all day, starting with no cake and ice cream before lunch. All the guys now about my struggles, and tempt me none the less. I said the following " It just started, I'm trying here people, I'm trying to be good. It's already the 7th, and its already hard, so let me be good. I don't need to eat cake before lunch.You already make me eat Mexican twice a week, how am I supposed to lose weight?" Now, would most of you be able to infer that  I've started a diet. I mean, yes I didn't say it exactly, but I am a girl in my 20's. Unless you're a size 2, aren't you always on a diet the first of the year(or "being healthy" for those who don't like the term "diet"). She turns to me with a blank face and asks "what have you started?"... 

There are no words. 

Wii Fit And The Battle Of Brothers

In this new year, I, along with many, have decided to be more active. I went running yesterday, even though it was cold as balls. I don't really have a goal, just to do it more. When I got home, James wanted me to play on our Wii. Now, I rarely play on this thing, so James tends to beat me. Which doesn't bother me, until he starts his shit talking. Little kids can be so annoying. Needless to say, I ended up whomping him. I'm not saying I got a work out in, it is just games, but some of them really do make you feel like you're doing something. I think I'll head home and play for a couple of hours. It's way too cold to go run outside. Isn't it spring already?

2009 Went Out With A Bang

So, after a month hiatus, I guess it's time to write. Mainly, I wasn't by a computer as much, busy with the holidays and all. The holidays, are in fact, over. So sad. I hate winter, don't get me wrong, but who doesn't like the holidays. People visiting, movies to see, too much food to eat. Lets talk about food.

Christmas this year was a little different. We were told to branch out, that we didnt need a second Thanksgiving. So, we had all sorts of appetizers, grilling, bacon wrapped things. Then when everyone was good and full. We put out the turkey and stuffing. Basically we ended up with two meals in the time span of one. It. Was. Awesome. Followed by bread pudding with ice cream.

New years was really no different. Grazing for like 3 days. We stayed at the Lazy Dog Ranch in Dripping Springs and shot off fireworks and the whole bit. We even had a little snipe hunting. Quite funny to see grown people hunting snipe with their children, clucking noises and all. Greatness.

The weekend ended with a wedding in Austin. Laguna Gloria is quite pretty. Right on lake Austin,  it makes you jealous of all those people living up on the hill. Anyways, champagne was my drink for the last couple of days, and mad did I embarrass myself. Well it would have been embarrassing, but I don't remember it. People feel the need to remind me, which I don't care for.

Back to food. On Sunday morning, we ate a Juan in a Millions. I convinced everyone to get the Don Juan, and no one was disappointed. Davis finished 1 1/2, which is gross, but hey, its a feat none the less. 

On the football front, I was pleased to see the Texans win. I mean, there 1st winning season, nice. But as far as the Bengals go, what the hell? Try and stay positive. Geez.

Back in the office, might be a short week though. Football game on Thursday will determine my work schedule. if we win, I'm gonna want to party. I won't discuss the other option.