For Those Who Need A Laugh

There are no words

A Weekend Totally Dominated by Football, Again

And Baseball too...

It's Monday, and I couldn't be more tired. Friday, I left work a bit early, had some errands to run before I went to The Stros game with one, Michael D. Topping. He was running 3 minutes late, so I of course filled that time by going to the bar and getting a beer. Ran into some friends. I mean, in all of Houston, why can I go into any bar, and see people from Clear Lake, its getting to be ri-god-damn-diculous. So Mike shows, go to the suite, where I tried to act polite, as to not offend his parents who were kind enough to let me join. Watched the Astros play yet another frustrating game. Got enough free beer to fill my quota, and headed home to Boon's. I was meeting Kate. Now, she was coming from a restaurant 7 minutes away. I was coming from Minute Maid, which is 30 minutes away. Who do you think got there first? Pathetic Kathryn, pathetic. Ran into MORE Clear Lake people. Then proceeded to get hammered, hammered drunk.

Saturday, woke up earlier than necessary. Well it was early, but Nancy didn't find it unnecessary. What is it about older people, that sleep pisses them off. I mean, ya, if my friends over sleep and we were supposed to meet up, annoying. If I am minding my own business however, it doesn't bother me to know others are sleeping. Anyways, so I woke up, did some more nothing around the house, went into town to watch the game, blowout, nice. Watched the Tech vs. UH, game, go coogs. Still pretty hungover from Friday, it's like I'm old or something, stupid liver.

Woke up early on Sunday, to my father saying "what time you getting up?" Me: "When are we leaving?". Gregg: "10 Minutes". What the hell, who waits until 10 minutes before the train pulls out. 30 minutes would have been nice. I mean, ya I sleep in, but 8:45 on Sunday, not weird for me to be sleeping. I'm gonna have to figure out this sleep thing. Maybe if I had any time, I could have had a glass of water before we left. As it happened, I didn't have water, so when it got hot as shit at the tailgate, I blacked out. Nice. I know I fell, and I know my dad caught me, otherwise, I'm a little fuzzy. Fantastic. Went into the game. Got a free hat, nice. Watched the Texans embarrass themselves, I mean c'mon, pass interference, I think not.

And again, one Peyton Williams Manning came to my rescue. All day I was down in fantasy football, then number 18 comes and pulls a miracle 49 points. Love, love is in the air.

Kate, And The Reason I Love Her

Now, many people know me well, and many people are able to provide me with birthday gifts that fit me perfectly. My mother for one, made my favorite chocolate cake, with blue bell, yum. But Kate wins. I mean, it is a true friend who goes out of her way, and stops at a hole in the wall pizza place, 2 hours from home, just to bring me pizza rolls. Love, that's what it is.

A Love Letter To Peyton Manning...

Peyton,
I believe at this point in our relationship, it is time to get our true feelings out there, no more messing around. I was moved to see your effort in helping win my fantasy game last night. I mean, way to be there for me. And when I only needed 29 points, you gave me 33. In my opinion, actions speak louder than words, so don't worry about verbalizing how you feel, I already know. I, on the other hand, have felt this way for some time. Before the Super Bowl win, ya know, when you only had 2 MVPs, I had already fallen. So of course, the Super Bowl didn't hurt your standing with me, not like you could do anything to change how I feel about you, you'll just make me love you more. I drafted you this year, not only out of my faith in your ability to help me win games, but because I love you, and I believed that you would take that into consideration. But who wouldn't love you, I mean, you're pretty good. If you like... six-five, 230-pound quarterbacks with a... laser rocket arm.
Love, Caitlin

I'm Sure This Weekend Will be Just Like Any Other Weekend, Right?

Wrong. So, I leave for Vegas in like 6 hours. In 6 hours I will be on a plane, with 4 other alcoholics, hopefully already on my way to drunken ridiculousness. I mean, that's the plan anyway. For 2 more hours, I am going to sit at my desk, and be the "hardworking employee" they think, they know, I am. And then, who knows. I mean who really knows what is going to happen. I've been excited for awhile, but it is really starting to sink in, the pre-trip awesomeness. I'm not gonna try and predict/plan my weekend, that would take some of the fun out of it. I mean, lets not get carried away, this weekend would probably be a hell of a lot safer if some of the fun was taken out of it, but who needs safe. So, in case I don't make it back, or just lose my mind completely, here's to Vegas, friends, and drunken debauchery!
P.S. Hook 'Em Horns!!! and Tech, you can suck it.

How Does Football (Good) + Beer (Good) = Hangover (Bad)?

The last weekend before Vegas, you would think I would rest up, but no. It's like Thanksgiving, there are those who believe you shouldn't eat all day so that you have more room. Then there are those who believe you need to stretch out your stomach. It's like practice for your stomach. I'm in the latter group, obviously. I mean, in college I had totally trained by body for drinking too heavily. I didn't get hangovers, no matter what. Just didn't happen, Linden can attest to this. So I figured, drink heavy all day and night, seems like that would be a good test run for Vegas. Let's hope the hangovers were worth it. Only this weekend will start at 3:00pm on Thursday, because that's when I get to the airport. And we all know that airport bars are where it is at. Also, I won't be driving for 72 hours, so that pesky drinking and driving situation won't rear its ugly head

Anyways, back to the weekend at hand. Friday, went shopping, blew a good amount of money, but ended up with enough to supplement my wardrobe. Then went to the neighbors for Tapas. It was good to say the least. It was a good bye party for a friend moving to Spain, so they were fairly Texas based tapas. Who new T Cove was filled with such inventive chefs. My plan was to wait until the party died, then head out to a birthday thing for a bit. Little did I know that they were going to bust out the drunken guitar playing and singing. I ended up leaving at 12:30, which was way earlier than the party actually died. Did I mention that these were all 45-65 year olds? Nothing like seeing all the dads I grew up with hammered drunk singing ""You Don't Have to Call Me Darlin, Darlin". So, made it down to Kemah, and was greeted with a shot of Patron. To recap, I had white wine sangria at the party, followed by Lone Star and Shiner. So this was gonna by an all types of liquor kinda night, fantastic. Ended up hammered and back at home at 2:30, good night in all.

Woke up way to late, showered, got dressed and tried to find a TV showing the Texas game. Stupid Comcast. Found the TV and proceeded to sit on that couch all day/ night. Took a 2 hour break to go eat dinner, buy more beer, and red wine, because the guys are just that classy. Before the game had ended, and we had run out of beer, Chet decided to open the bottle of wine he was gonna drink at dinner. Kate was out of beer, so he poured her a glass. 30 minutes later, the bottle was gone, and it wasn't a small bottle. Drunks. Went to Angelo's for pizza, first time I'd eaten all day(8:00 pm). Went back to Chet's, somewhere in hear is where I lost my phone the first time, nicely done. Didn't even know it was gone. Watched the USC game, which of course sucked to be rooting for the Trojans, but man do I hate the Buckeyes, so they were the lesser of two evils. Somehow, my hangover kicked in around midnight, so I slowed my roll. Realized my phone was missing, found said phone, for all of what seemed like 15 minutes, managed to lose it yet again. Made a couple more interesting decisions, headed home around 5:00 am, at least my parents are heavy sleepers.

Woke up when my parents returned from church, they don't even try to make me go. Started the search for the phone yet again, how it got in Kate's car I do not know. Watched the Texans embarrass their city. Watched the Giants embarrass Campbell. Watched my Fantasy team embarrass the league. Headed to the pool around 5:45 for some Sunday Funday. Thought about not drinking, then proceeded to ignore that random thought. Watched Kanye embarrass himself. Watched Beyonce make it all better. Read HP, passed out. Nothing special, just a good ol' drunken weekend, nicely done.

Back To The Issue At Hand...

End of a four day week, and I'm just thankful it was only four days. Something about knowing it was short made me unable to cope with work at all. I mean, it was still short, but I was ready for it to be over Wednesday afternoon.


I went to the TCGC meeting/party last night. Now for those not in the know, that stands for Timber Cove Garden Club. The garden club is in charge of throwing the annual parties. I mean, we have parties every week it seems like, but there are a few parties that have been happening for decades. The meetings are during the day, so sad I'll miss them because of work. That just leaves the parties and dinners, it's like I planned it. So I am officially the youngest member ever, and my mother and I are the only two "ladies" who share an address. I mean, we aren't the first mother-daughter pair, but most of the daughters have moved out of the nest. Oh well, first time for everything.

Tonight is one of those non-annual parties. Missy G is leaving for Spain in a week so tonight is her goodbye party, should be good. Tapas, awesome. Mine will be a fusion Texas/Mexican/Spanish thing. Gotta nail down the details. I'm sure it'll all work out. So that's the pre-party plan. Then maybe we'll hit up the local brew house, because sometimes, 4 hours of drinking isn't enough.

But I have to be careful, because tomorrow is another day of college football, and we all know, the fact that you drank heavily on Friday, is no excuse when it comes to being a puss while watching football. And then Sunday, oh Sunday. NFL, all day long. I mean, last night was good and all, but one game? Not nearly enough. I'm sure like all my other planned weekends, this one will end up being totally different than expected., but as long as I end up hungover on Sunday, I'll chalk it up as a win*.

* Let me clarify, hangovers are not a win. I'm just assuming that what got me to that hungover state will have been fun and drunken. Ok, just wanted to clear that up.

Matt Damon, You're Good People

So, I sat down to write my usual, it's Friday, I'll be drunk later entry, but then I came across some videos of one Matthew Paige Damon(Side Note: Paige?, whatever, he's still hot). We all know the man is attractive, there's no denying it, but his comedic skills are quite good too. Not just like one liners, but jokes, stories, and impersonations. Anyway, to hold myself over until I can write a real blog entry, here's to you Mr. Damon!

Now this first one includes Mr. Clooney, so I of course, truly enjoyed it.

This one shows Matt using his skill at southern accents.



Now these last three are retaliations of each other, I'm sure you've seen them, but I enjoyed them none the less and felt the need to include them.







I hope you enjoyed it as much as I did. Thanks Matt Damon.

FLIP CUP!!!, or, Labor Day Part:3

So Sunday came along, and I did something quite out of the ordinary. I woke up at like 8:00. Now, I realize this is not a huge accomplishment, but it was odd to say the least. My uncle made me breakfast, it was delicious, and we talked for a couple of hours, while I retold some of my Saturday. What felt like 4:00 rolled around and I figured we should probably head home. It was like noon. Ridiculous. Waking up early really lengthens the day. It's kind of amazing actually. Got on the road, and awaited the bliss that was a down and dirty burger, so pumped. We got to Ellinger, and ordered. Now, you know when you have heard tales of burgers or some other food that a place is famous for, it is not a surprise if that something is a let down. People always talk to much. But I am a fan of the "it's just a really good burger" burger. Nothing special, just good. I would say this burger is better than that though. I was not disappointed. They toast the bun on the grill so it tastes like melted heaven. Anyways, two thumbs up.

Got home, got dressed, headed into town, I believe it was about 7:00, but I'm not sure. The Ole Miss game had just ended, congrats to the Ole Miss fans, and we set off in search of food. I wasn't really that hungry, but I of course helped out on the Kenneally's Pizza. Watched a couple of games of darts, then headed to the house party, where we were told, the beer runneth over. Needless to say, I called for more beer around 10:45, we'd already finished the first 72, which sounds like a lot, but isn't. Especially not when flip cup is involved. I love flip cup, love it. I'm also not too bad at it either. Which isn't a big surprise, because I typically don't love doing things I'm not good at, something about being slightly competitive or something. I swear we played 50 games, sometimes, just one on one. Hammered, hammered drunk. Gonna cut that night short, because that's all I remember. Passed out(on a couch, again).

Monday, woke up and headed to brunch. Wasn't really brunch but I got breakfast, and some people got lunch. I would have maybe gotten lunch, but it wasn't being served for another 30 minutes, and I was not waiting, ludicrous. At this point, I was still drunk. I wasn't hungover, and I wasn't hurting, but my head felt all funny and I was definitely dizzy/light headed. Had like 8 glasses of iced tea, went back to the house, laid on the couch, and waited until I felt physically able to drive for 40 minutes. Took me about 5 hours to get to that point. Made it home. Read HP. All in all, the weekend was much more eventful than expected. Some might give it a 9.5, but

Austin Is, And Will Continue To Be, The Birthplace And Final Resting Place Of All That Is Cool, or, Labor Day Part: 2

So, I love the drive to Austin. I know a lot of people really hate any distance longer than 15 miles, but they need to get over it. Going to Austin, all you think about is the awesome time you are about to have. The food you'll eat, the beer you'll drink. Add a football game on top of that, I'm in heaven.

In Texas Monthly last month, they showcased the 50 best burgers in Texas. Talk about setting a new goal for myself. I had actually had a good number on the list, but have since decided that that number is minuscule and must be changed. On 71, some of you may have stopped at Hruska's. It is a Chevron station in Ellinger. It is also the only place between Columbus and Bastrop where you are required to brake, lame ass 55mph. Whatever. But Hruska's makes this up to me by serving delectable food. They have kolaches (see below, for that love affair), a grill, a deli, and for those of you who don't know, I have a Chevron credit card, so this smorgasbord of awesomeness is basically free to me, jealous? So their burger made the list which means, even if it was 8:00 in the morning, I was gonna be eating one on this trip, suck it healthy living. I did however put off the feast until the trip back due to the time crunch that is pre-gaming. And their are few others who enjoy food like myself, but it just so happens that Nancy Sue(Momma) is one of them. Needless to say, we got pretty excited.

Then the hardest rain I've ever driven through, let me tell you. Straight white out. And of course, all I can think is how much it'll suck if it's raining at the game, but that's selfish. I mean, the Hill Country is only in one of the worst droughts ever, but hey, I need to enjoy my Saturday. Get to Austin, try to give Foley ample time to call me back, still a fail. Get a hold of Foley, go to Abel's. Foley thinks I need to catch up, so I am given a Texas Iced Tea, which is a Long Island, with more alcohol. I didn't know there could BE more alcohol, but I'm not complaining. Ran into high school friends. Now I'm all for combining groups of friends, but when they try to find a point of commonality, and that point is making fun of you, it's time to go. I'm sure most of you are aware of this, but I have to point something out. At UT football games, the lack of beer inside the stadium means you need to get drunk enough to walk, but not drunk enough to sober up before half time. Of course there is the flask option, but some of us are forgetful, so there ya go. Game was awesome. Accidentally cock blocked Mr. Foley. Total accident, but hey, who lies about being a junior in college at the age of 24. I mean, at least say a senior. Foley, do you realize you were 20, when you started junior year, dumb. Went back to Abel's, got hammered, watched OU get embarrassed, and proceeded to house party. Left so called house party, called my mom.

I know, awesome right. You know when you are in high school, and your mom says, "no matter what, you can call me, no questions asked, I won't be mad". We've all heard it. It took me until I was almost 24 to pull that, hopefully she wasn't mad, but for once I wanted to spend a Saturday night in a bed, and not on the floor or couch. Walked through West Campus with my beer, because, there is no open container law in Austin. Hmm, somehow that doesn't sound right. Nancy picked me up while I was wandering down 24th St, classy. Went home and slept the sleep of the innocent, which of course means, party clothes and makeup on, passed out, mouth open. Saturday: Mission Complete.

We've Been Coming To The Same Party For Twelve Years Now, And In No Way Is That Depressing, or, Labor Day Weekend: Part 1

As a person new to this whole 9-5, Monday through Friday thing, 3 day weekends are definitely NOT taken for granted. When I returned from the office after lunch, the lights were off, the door was locked. It was 1:30, and everyone was gone. Done. Nice way to start the weekend. I stayed a bit, checked me email and such, and awaited H1. She was supposed to be arriving around 4:00, so I had a bit of time. Went and got my haircut. It was just a trim but everyone I saw commented on it. Now, this kind of reaction would make sense if it was now blue or boy-short, but no. I'm not sure, but I think I'm gonna have to start putting more effort into my hair. But then again, I am extremely lazy, so we'll see. Hayley arrived. Went shopping for Vegas. Started drinking about 5:00. Started drinking heavily around 7:30. Went to the pool, First Friday and all. Tried to keep up with the adults and then ditched the party 45 seconds before clean up began. After party at the Chateau Stansfield, shots of JD are NOT a good idea, btw. James came in and asked to play Apples to Apples. For those who are unaware, James is 11, and it was 1:00am. To me this sounded like a great idea. I think James one, he always does. Passed the eff out, woke up to Hayley having to leave. I proceeded to sleep until 11:55. As I walked into the kitchen, my father commented that I was getting up to early, I mean what 23 year old gets up before noon, he think he's hilarious. As I started the search for fellow football watchers, A sinking suspicion that I was the only person left in the Greater Houston area fell over me. Between Possum Kingdom, Fort Worth, a Cruise, Nashville, College Station(don't really understand that one), and Austin(totally understand that one), I had some how managed to not solidify my football watching plans. Shame on me I know. So what do I do, I get crackin' on the phone calls. I lucked out however. First phone call, JR Foley. Jackpot. Me: "Hey, so I'm gonna come to Austin, but I don't have a ticket to the game". Foley:"It just so happens that I have an extra, get your ass to Austin". I love him. 30 minutes after I got up, I was in the car with my momma going to Austin for opening day, things sure can turn around quickly. To be continued...

Texas On My Mind, or, Varsity Blues: Another Reason To Love Texas

This blog entry is in honor of, well Texas obviously, but also, to Jacqueline because she has totally got me thinking about Texas and its greatness for a couple of days now. Being in Thailand, you would expect the homesickness to create a need for more Texas. But I'm here, why do I crave it so? Because it is awesome is why.

I just got back from lunch, which was BBQ. Mondays and Thursdays is Mexican. This new work schedule is great for fulfilling those cravings. But what else do I crave? What else is there to appreciate about Texas and the food that is ours and ours alone?

1) Blue Bell. Now I know they sell it in other states but c'mon, its Texas through and through. When people here ask if you want ice cream, they don't say "ice cream". They ask "do you want some Blue Bell". It's like pop vs. soda vs. coke. Brand recognition. Ya know what, you should have yourself a Blue Bell Country day.

2) Speaking of ice cream, lets DQ something different. Now I know most of you only eat their ice cream, and that is totally legit. But Dairy Queen also makes a mean chicken finger basket. The Hunger Buster isn't bad either. I recommend branching out and trying these delectable items.

3) Which of course brings about DQ's rival on chicken baskets, What-a-burger! I know its not spelled like that, but that's how the ads say it so I wanted to give you the true experience. With their awesome ketchup containers and Taquitos, truly, a Texas original.

4) Shiner anyone? We all know that other states pale in comparison to our greatness, but some of them redeem themselves by transplanting some of our treasures to their own boundaries. Living in Florida, I had Blue Bell so that was a life saver but no Shiner to be found. 6 months. That's how long I went without it. No wonder I was depressed.

5) To round out the top 5, I bow to the all mighty queso! With your golden color and spicy flavor you put me in a trance and make all the bad parts of life melt away. How I love thee, let me count the ways. Ya know what, I can't even begin to describe the love affair, so I will leave it at that.

At this point in the countdown, I am realizing this list is gonna be longer than I thought.

6) Kolaches. I'm not sure if ya'll understand that these are ours and ours alone. You go to the other coasts, they look at you like you're crazy. Better than a donut. Better than pig in a blanket. They're just great, great, great.

7) I realize that Mexican food is technically "Mexican", but we in Texas believe that ours is better. So rather than take the credit, I pay homage to our southern neighbors for giving us the inspiration and basis for our favorite staple food.

8) BBQ. All I have to say is that Memphis, Kansas City, and any other yahoo city who thinks that they are " The BBQ Capital", can suck it.

9) Some might consider this item to fall into some of the above categories, but I believe it stands alone. Breakfast tacos. From the gargantuanness of the Don Juan, to the sublimeness of Taco C at 4 in the morning, I salute you, creator of breakfast nirvana.

10) Another item that is found outside our state but we totally have claim over, Dr. Pepper. DP and DDP are such Texas staples that I have had cousins with Dr. Pepper themed decorations for there home coming parties. DP is home. Glorious with its syrupy awesomness. I'm a pepper, he's a pepper, she's a pepper, we're a pepper, wouldn't you like to be a pepper too?

Honorable Mentions

A) Now I know this belongs to our neighbor more than us, but I would like to thank our eastern neighbor for: crawfish. It wouldn't be spring without a Saturday filled with ripping open shellfish while my fingers were on fire and dirty with spice and chugging beer to save my life.

B) Lonestar Beer. I had to mention it.

That was the food section, shall I continue...

Here goes... The Hill Country, Tubing on the Guadalupe, Friday Night Lights, "G"uadalupe and not "huadalupé", Gruene, 6th Street, Fredricksburg, Timber Cove, Pecan Pie, George Strait, Houston, The Czech Stop, Juan in a Million, Pecan Trees, Taylor Lake Village, Hruska's, Boating, Luminarios, Possum Kingdom, Ranches, Football: High School, College, NFL, Amy's Ice Cream, Bluebonnets, Boondoggle's, Reckless Kelly, Lake Travis, My Line of Trees, Max's Cafe, Horny Toads, Seabrook Classic Cafe, Astros, Austin, Varsity Blues, Nolan Ryan, Small ass Texas towns with college sized football stadiums, The Alamo, Walter Cronkite narrated "We are Texas"/ "What Starts Here Changes the World" ads,NASA, Dallas, Longhorns, Kay's Lounge, Maggie Mae's, Fort Worth, First Friday, Tilden, Shipley's, Big Bend, Frenchie's, Town Lake, Darcy, Trudy's, Enchanted Rock, Christmas on the Bridge, Tito's, Country accents, Pickup trucks, Ghostland Observatory, Lonesome Dove, and THE UNIVERSITY OF TEXAS.