So, Friday I Was Drunk, Early.

I got to work Friday morning at about... 10:30 am, I think. No reason to be late, just that it was Friday and I wanted to sleep. And instead of going to lunch with the coworkers, I went out with the neighborhood ladies. It is a tradition in Timber Cove to go out to lunch the first week of school. I kind of celebration of not having your kids around all the time. More so, its a reason to all get together. We went for fish tacos and mango margaritas. Granted, I had to go back to work, so I stuck to just having one. Which didn't work all that well because one is sufficient in giving me quite a buzz. 2 1/2 hours later, I rolled back into the office. Nothin' like Tequila in the afternoon to make you want to take a nap. I mean, it was brutal. So after another 2 whole hours of work, I went home. I didn't take a nap because I didn't have time but I did lay down and read for a bit. Sobered up just long enough to start drinking again. Went to Kay Ann's but she was going to Pete and Annette's for fajitas. Somehow, in this neighborhood, you can always find food. If I was out of sustenance, I would just have to walk down the street and someone would feed me, it's great.


After dinner I headed into town. Went to Kay's Lounge for a classy evening. Drank Lonestar Light and tried to be the fastest at figuring out the puzzle caps. Because if someone else says "oh this one's easy", you can't be the dumb ass who takes 2 whole minutes. No siree. Then Lindsay, in her infinite wisdom, brought brownie cupcakes with peanut butter icing. Not a huge cupcake fan, I mean, they're good but ice cream's better, but these things were pretty impressive, I'm not gonna lie. Then Kate showed up And I thought I was drunk. Yes Kate, I realize I am calling you out but maybe next time you will listen to me before you start making ill advised phone calls. Let this be a lesson to you. Went home and had a spelling contest. Apparently, I said something that be construed as shit-talking. I never have thought of myself as a good speller, so I can't imagine drunk Caitlin feeling the need to start bragging. Justin therefore felt the need to have a contest. Which I of course lost. Then a race with Text Twist, which I was winning at first and then again, lost. I'm pretty sure he was sober, which in my opinion, is cheating.

Saturday morning I woke up in my usual spot, John's couch. Don't feel bad, those couches are better than some beds. My cousin had been kind enough to get tacos, which I ate, then continued to lie there, eat some Aleve, drink some diet coke, and watch Forgetting Sarah Marshall. I always forget how funny that movie is, I recommend it. Saturday night was Derek and Emily's house warming party. I brought a handle of Tito's and a 20 pack of beer, because, I like to party(so I like my Jesus to party). Now these people are 28, but I swear they are way more grown up. There house is so put together. As Justin would say, "Talk about one-upping, I mean, all the bedrooms have beds in them". I felt like a child. But then, the flip cup. I'd say I forgot how much I loved flip cup, but I didn't, we just never play it. I think my time won more than 50%. I know there was one round where we all hit it on the first flip, but what do you expect from a team with 2 Kuykendalls on it. Nothing short of greatness is what. Again, made it home, somehow.

Sunday: woke up on said couch. This morning it was Justin's turn to get tacos. Which of course started a "whose tacos are better conversation". They're dumb. Laid on the couch till Lauren showed up to go to lunch. I was in no way hungry, but I went, because well, what else was I gonna do. Went back to the couches, but now there was 4 of us on 3 couches, so getting up was ill advised. I believe I ended up on all 3 couches, with different blankets each time. Stayed that way till after True Blood then had to drive the 40 minutes home. Read Darcy some HP to help us sleep, then we passed out. A nice way to spend the last weekend without football.

Suck It School Zone

I work about 20 yards from a school zone. Yesterday, I left early, was confused by the people who appeared to be coasting, then saw the "leaving a school zone sign". Stupid. Wasn't caught thank god. Did the same thing this morning, but realized while still in it, so I wasn't "that car" again. This switch from summer is gonna be harder than anticipated. I have an hour and a half till lunch, which is lame because I skipped breakfast. Dentist appointment. I like my dentist, and I never have really minded going. But, that grinding on the teeth, cleaning situation, I could do with out. Ugh, makes the spine tingle thinking about it. But it's over, so bring on the sugar and coffee!


Back to the work place. I am used to being the minority in my political beliefs. Growing up in Texas, you get used to people assuming you agree with them. My momma always told me just to keep my mouth shut. Don't argue, you can't convince them and it'll just cause rifts. So at work, when I go out to lunch with 6 middle aged men, who all believe our current President is not "their" president, I just eat and keep quiet. I mean, what's a little 23 year old girl to do? Snap, apparently. I can handle the jokes about the economy, or the commentary on health care, but is it really necessary to make jokes about Ted Kennedy. I mean the man JUST died. RIP I say.


Alright, well I believe that fulfilled my somber entry requirement. For those who want to be lifted back up, I recommend the following song.

The Workplace: Definition of Classy

Whenever I start work at a new place, I stay fairly reserved, for me, for the first few weeks. Try and feel the place out, don't want to offend anybody. It didn't take that long at my present station. The people are definitely on par with my humor, if not, a little more out there. Since the boss who keeps us slightly in check has been out on maternity leave, its just gotten worse. And by worse, I of course mean funnier. Today's lunch topic began with corrupting Baptists by first making them your DD, then slowly bringing them out of there shell. Not really sure, the Baptists I know drink, plenty. For shame! Then there are the daily jokes, which are too dirty for some ears, but as a 23 year old girl, I have been deemed worthy, so kudos to me. And at least daily, I hear someone talking about crack houses, or better yet, someone being described as "from the land of fruits and nuts". Now i know this isn't that far out there, but it might be my favorite way of calling someone a nutter. One of the agents can be in what seems to be a very serious, business phone call, and then crack houses and land of nuts. Needless to say, we're a laid back kinda folk.

Due to my overwhelming amount of free time, I have been doing some google image searches. I have found that Details magazine has the best covers, in my humble opinion of course. No frills, no elaborate sets, just sexy men staring back at me. Love it. So for those of you who aren't in the know, maybe its time you did some research.

And for one last embarrassing detail, no pun intended, I will admit my latest admirees. It's sick really, but hey, whatever. I know I'm not supposed to admit liking Zac Efron. I know people think as a grown up, you should be over such boyish charm. Nope. And for the record, he is legal, thank you very much. And by a couple of years, so there's a buffer zone. The other classically hot cover would belong to Anakin, cause I mean, c'mon. And of course there's more. I mean, if I really wanted to embarrass myself, oh what the hell, I could bring up the Gossip Girl guys. And when I say "guys", I mean Chace Crawford mainly.Don't deny it. Oh ya, and Batman too.






Disclaimer: These are the Details covers that I think are hot, not necessarily my top male picks overall. Just clarifying. Still hot though.

B.T.Dub

I am beyond tired today. Absolutely worthless. You'd think I would get a little rest over the weekend, but no. Epic fail. I feel like Bill Cosby was describing my life when he said this. Spot on awesomeness. On to the weekend...

So Friday was good. Left work early. Hit traffic, not cool. It was like 2:15 in the afternoon, where were all these people going?? Got to the cousin's, got on the road. Got to Pleasanton and went straight for the Mexican food, diet much? It was pretty chill night, a little TV, a couple of beers, nothing to big. Had to get up at 6am this next morning, suh-weet. I think I had 3 cups of coffee in the hour, ridiculous. Got on the road, loaded up the trucks and trailers and headed to the ranch. No a/c. Manual labor. 103 degrees. Yup, I'm dumb. So we started the work, it lasted about 5 hours, and thank god it wasn't longer because the nausea set in and I was done. Went and had a burger. Got on the road. Sat in the car like a zombie for 4 hours. I was done. After a MUCH needed shower, I went to Kate's. Chatted it up with the recent graduate. Got drunk. Went home.

Sunday, woke up in just enough time to get drunk again. Got the champagne. Oh right, btw, the Kroger off 2oth in the Heights, dry. As in no cereveza. Or wine. I was none too pleased. Alright, made it to the house. Got wastyface. Picked some rando's for my fantasy team. But hey, I got P Manning, so that's all that really matters. I mean c'mon, who doesn't absolutely love that man??
When I got home around 6, I was ready to pass out. But hey, its only 6. I had a conference call at 8, so I needed to make it. What did I do? Found a neighbor and proceeded to be a bad influence. I mean, I got hammered. Goood Sunday. Now I've been at work all day, ready to go home. I feel fairly confident I won't drink tonight. It was a loooonnng weekend. Here's hoping!

Manual Labor In 110° Weather? Count Me In!

Last weekend of summer. Granted, I am no longer in school, but many people I know have kids in school, so their drinking habits definitely take a hit. Not to worry, I'll just be depending on the under 30 crowd for a couple of months. Should be good. Friday is great, maybe a little under productive, but no biggie, I mean, we worked the "full" 4 days previous. I'm gonna cut out early today, head to the ranch. Weather forecast: high of 103°. Heat index of 107°. And what pray tell have I been conned into doing? Manual labor, really? I know I have already mentioned this, but c'mon, it's just now setting in, and this is gonna suck. Hard. And I am confident in my abilities, I mean, I can do some work, but is my pride really worth a heat stroke? Also, these guys can drink, it's part of the whole fun part of "family time", we all get shithoused. But, I have the sinking feeling, that people are actually expecting to work, which means a lack of consumption, which means, kinda lame. We'll see. And everyone is driving back home before Saturday night, another mark in the "no drinking" column. It's like I don't even know them. Then Sunday: draft day. Which is just another stepping stone on the way to football season. I'm feeling pretty confident about this year. Confident I'll be wasted that is. Ya, I said it. Alright, I'm tired. I have nothing to say. I thought my lack of productivity was only related to work, but apparently, it has spilled over to hobbies too. Another update to come later...

I Know You're Interested

I mean. It will not stopping raining at the office. Everyday after lunch, I come back, it rains. I'm already primed for nap time. Big lunch, lowered productivity, and then rain? I have no chance. So, to stay productive(?), I will write an entry. It is a Tuesday, so I have no drunken debauchery stories to tell. Of course, some Tuesdays I will, but not since this whole "no drinking during the week" thing. On that subject, I had 2 beers last night. We decided that one was OK, with dinner and all. But once I start down that road, I mean, whats 2 gonna do. Oh well, better luck next time.

On to good news, Football. College, NFL, whatever, its about to dominate my life and I couldn't be happier about it. Maybe this year, the BCS will get their heads out of their asses, and stop screwing us over. One can dream. And maybe, just maybe, the Texans will end up with a truly winning season. We've ended up with 8-8 before, but can we finally get a 9 out there in front, that would be sweet. And then there is the all day drinking on Saturday at the bar, and then waking up hungover and watching football from the couch all day Sunday(only way to recover). Then there is fantasy, so all the shit talking can happen, even when not together. Glorious.

One last thing: my dear momma. There is a "Ranch Weekend" this weekend where members of the family go to the ranch and do some sort of manual labor. Be it clearing, building, or cleaning. I generally am "busy", so I never make it. In my defense, it is hot as blazes and you'd have to be flipping crazy, but whatever. So this year, I am an adult and able to go. My cousin needs a driving partner to fight off the boredom. My parents are throwing a birthday party for the bro, so I'm the only Stansfield who can attend. Before I say yes to this hell, I make sure not much is expected of me. As Michael Topping would say, I'm dainty. In this family, saying you're a girl doesn't get you out of much. I'm told it shouldn't be too bad. I say OK. Enter "The Momma". She writes an email to the entire family letting them know I am the Stansfield Representative and that they should make sure I pull my own wait and give me a lot to do. What the hell did I ever do to her??? Rude. Threw me right under the bus. I of course will help, and do what is asked of me, but did she really have to remind them of it. Now, I'll be right there, an easy victim. It's really too bad, maybe I'll come down with swine flu or something else realistic to get me on the DL.

A Silly Girl, Left To Her Own Devices

I don't know what it is about weekends and bad decisions. Well maybe not bad, just slightly more embarrassing than usual. And yet, I wouldn't change a thing. So, all in all, a good weekend.

Friday was easy enough. Walk to the pool, have a couple of beers with the neighbors. They of course tried to keep me hostage, but I prevailed and made the drive into town. Met up with the cousin and his male life partner, neither of which are gay. Went to Porch Swing. Then some genius had the bright idea of tequila shots. Yes it was me, but it wasn't my idea to order too many. So of course, I get stuck with extra shots, which bodes well for a gooood night. I know we left, went to a second bar, then late nighted at the house. My cousin grilled sausage, awesome. We played Buzz, I won, big surprise there. Woke up at 8:00 with a truly ridiculous headache. Popped some aleve, moved off the coach, and passed out for 3 more hours. woke up to this text from my mom: "John(cousin) and Caitlin need to wake up and not be good for nuthin triflin outfits, from mom and mom and grandma". Sweet really. Good for nuthing triflin outfits?? Who says that. Whatever, they think they're funny.

So at one point I drive my cousin to pick up his car. Apparently, when left in the sun, my car gets stupid hot. The cousin was a giant baby and bitched the whole 15 minutes, which is just about when it started to cool off. Then I get a call to go to a party with some old high school friends, and friends is a term I use loosely. I went, trying to expand my horizons, meet new people, yadda yadda yadda. Got there, was a pool party, I was not informed of such things. So I waited until I was almost to drunk to make it home, went home and got my suit. Came back, played beer pong, not well surprisingly. Spent too much time in the pool and stayed up way to late. Drove home at 8:30, told my mom "all" about my night, and as the rest of the family got up to go to church, I went and passed out. My mother made some snide comment about me being an adult. Whatever, adults drink and then get hangovers, so ya, I'm an adult. Ended the weekend with a couple of beers on the boat and went on the jetski, where a 14 year old smartass threw me off a couple of times. I am now at work and it is becoming apparent that today will not be my most productive.

Maybe I'll take a nap...

Everybody's Workin' For The Weekend!

Another Friday at the office. My office is one of those offices that is missing at least 50% of its employees on Fridays. Being the new girl, I am one of the sad minority to stay. Right now, there are 3 of us here. In about 15 minutes, I'm sure one of them will duck out. Someone has to be here until 5:00, so its a dance to see who has a more reasonable excuse to leave. Last week, I didn't have a key yet, so I couldn't be left alone, but alas, they have solved that problem. I'd be willing to bet money that I will be locking the doors today. But someones got to do it, and I don't help out that much in any other way, so it's the least i can do for my cohorts.

Next on the agenda, pool party. Now when I say pool party, I mean everyone in the neighborhood showing up with a cooler at the pool. No one really swims, but its a nice open area, and no one needs to worry about the state of their house. Man these old people utilize facebook. I mean, we have a yahoo group, facebook group, and of course, there is the old, call someone on their cell phone. The reason for the get together: it's Friday, what else are you gonna do. Generally, these parties are "beer for dinner" parties, so I'm not planning on eating tonight. Again, my healthy living is something to be jealous of.

After, the pre-party with the parents, it is off to town. I like to pretend that I live way out in the middle of nowhere and "Town" is some big deal. In reality, I live in a small city adjacent to town and the only difference is the variety of bars. We have bars, just not as many that don't suck. But we do have bars you can drive up to in your boat, so suck on that h-town. OK, back to the topic at hand. Going into town, gonna drink. Not sure where. Then the decision is, do I come home for the day on Saturday. I think I will, breaks up the weekend and makes it seem longer. Also, more likely that I get a nap. Yep, those are my plans. But knowing me, I'll just get drunk earlier than expected and cancel all of them, so good luck to me!

Step 1: Set Goal. Step 2: Fail That Goal.

For those of you who are unaware, I have no self discipline. I mean none. Not when it comes to food, drinking, television, computer games, movies, surfing the web, calling people I know I shouldn't. I mean really, you would think I was 4. I tell myself, "That was the last time", "This is the last time", and, "OK, one more time". My goal this week, no drinking during the week. Seemed easy enough. Guess what??? Nope.

That's right. Guess how long I made it? If you count Sunday, I made it one day. If you start the weeknights on Monday night, I made it till about 7:30 p.m. You would think I had a problem, when really, it wasn't my fault. I know that's what all people say but c'mon, sometimes its the truth. When your mom and her friend invite you out to a wine bar, it would be rude not to go, right? It's hard for me to draw the line between social politeness and making excuses. But ya know what, that's the glorious part, I can just tell my self it would be rude.

Except that I went out again last night. Again, I was invited and I felt needed, so I went. Margaritas as my appetizer, beer as my entree. Classy, I know. I skipped desert, didn't want to be unhealthy. You know me, always thinking about my health, "you are what you eat" and all.

To summarize: 3 nights, 1 successful. All in all, that's a good 33% success rate. And if I don't drink tonight, that's 50%, and that really shows improvement. But question, does Thursday count as a weeknight? I mean, you only have one more day of work left, and in college, the weekends started Wednesday night, so theoretically, as a young post grad, it might have only moved back one night. Interesting. (This would be an example of my no self control rationalizing, in case you were curios.)

Sunday Funday?

I had big plans for the weekend. My first weekend as a working girl. Like I've said before, nothing makes you appreciate the weekend more than not being able to sleep in everyday. So, Friday night rolls around, and I get hammered. Maybe just a little to much, I'm not sure. I don't quite remember. I know I lost my cell phone, it has since been found. I know I woke up with an almost empty handle of Vodka in my driveway. I do not remember however, how these things transpired. We'll just chalk night one up to a success.

Then Saturday. My cousin said I should come to Austin. Generally, I find that trips tend to elongate the weekend. I considered going up until the time I woke up on Saturday. Wasn't gonna happen. I was still debating whether I could handle the 40 minute drive into Houston let alone the 3 hours to Austin. Time to find other options. Texted the available options and narrowed my search. Decided on the other cousin, generally a safe bet for a good time. Headed to Kay's Lounge around 9:30. Fairly early for me. I generally don't need over 4 hours at Kay's. I can do plenty of damage in a 2+ hour period. Plenty. By 1:05 I was so tired I couldn't hold a conversation. But without a car, I was stuck. 2 o'clock rolls around and I am ready to be on a couch. It's a funny thing however, when you get to a place you could actually sleep, you don't really want to. Hence the reason I stayed up until 5, drinking and dancing to the most random of songs. So when I was awoken by a loud mouthed cousin, I was none too pleased. Somehow, one of the beds in the house was empty and there were two of us on the couches, not sure how that oversight occurred. I could have sworn it was around 7:45am, but no, it was 11:45am. Lunch a bit later, after we constructed a pyramid of pillows on Justin's face, which of course, he slept through. The amount of noise that man can sleep through is intriguing. Which would have been helpful for me because the amount of snoring he was doing was unforgivable. I mean, I try to let people sleep, but when the effing windows are shaking, its time to wake up, or at least roll over. At this point, I was thinking about going home. I mean, I go home, I can get stuff done, get out of their hair. Nope, not what happened. I stayed until 9:40. I got off the couch, maybe twice, not sure. Watched movies, TV, football. Ate fajitas, played with babies. See, the problem with going home is the pressure to be productive. You can't lay on the couch for 9 hours without one of your cohabitants letting you know they don't appreciate a good couch day the way you do. For shame.

The point, my friends, its that the weekend is over. I was drunk a healthy percent of the time. And of course by healthy, I do not mean physically healthy, I was definitely drunk an unhealthy percent of the time if we are talking physically. But my mental health is much improved. And now, I only have to wake up 4 more times and I can do it all over next weekend. Livin the dream.

Workin 9 to 5

I thought real 9-5's were obsolete. A thing of the past. Apparently not. Somehow I managed to find a job that respects a person's right to sleep in. Fantastic. It is my 3rd day of work and I'm starting to feel a little less uneasy. I can now answer the phone without hesitation and hope to god I know how to answer the question. I hate feeling lost. Nothing worse than feeling dumb. I'm sure I'll get the hang of it but for now, I'm just gonna fake it till I make it.

On another note. I love A/C. It is possibly one of man's greatest inventions. I mean, Houston would have a population of 2 if it weren't for A/C. But, when it is 102 outside, I feel a little silly bringing a sweater to work. The office is beyond frigid. It's so cold I don't want to even drink my Diet Coke for fear that it will make me colder. Of course, 4.5 seconds outside and I have thawed out. I'm just saying, a balance would be nice. But hey, if it's between this and the mind numbing heat awaiting me outside the door, I'll take the arctic any day.

And then there's lunch. Apparently, we are taken to lunch, everyday. The whole office. I mean there is only 10 of us but c'mon, who does that?? But hey, I get fed. We get good food, free. A nice, long, hour break. Granted I get to work at 9am so eating at 11:30 is kinda early, but who says you can't take a relaxing lunch after 2.5 hours of grueling work. OK, so maybe it's not grueling so much as uneventful, but I deserve it! I'm sure the real workers of the world want to slap me right now, so I digress...

The weekend is approaching and I am excited. First Friday* tonight, so that should be good. Then Saturday is falling somewhere between boating and drinking or driving to Austin and drinking. Can't make up my mind. I haven't been to Austin in like 3 months so that would be cool, but its 3 hours away, and the lake is well, not. I'm sure whatever I choose will be good, so here's to not making good decisions!


*First Friday is a monthly party held on the first Friday of every month. It is always within walking distance of Chateau Stansfield so there is no such thing as a DD, that would just be absurd. Unless of course you drive your golf cart, then a whole other set of rules applies.

Drumroll Please...

I passed. That's right. I can now officially start going to work. Let me explain the real estate exam for those of you who are less inclined to care. It sucks. It is worded awkwardly, it's just a tad to long, and the room is of course, too cold. Half way through, you're sitting there, praying that you pass. Not because you really care, but because you realize, you are only halfway done and the worst thing in the world would have to come back to this cold little room and sit here through the whole thing again. You don't even want to sit through the second half. A whole other session? I don't think so. But luckily for me, I passed. No more tests or classes. Granted, I know nothing. Did I mention that after over a month of "learning", I still don't know squat. You would think that after that, you would at least feel competent. Nope. Not the case. The classes are a joke, and the test is from hell. All you learn is how to pass it. So even though I'm done with actual class work, I still have to learn. But I can handle learning. I "learn" everyday. I mean, just this weekend I learned that the more I drink, the more mystery cuts and bruises I will find on my body the next day. Thus my segue to the weekend...

Oh the weekend. Started off chill. Just drinking at the neighbors. I mean I started around 4:30, but it was Friday, so that's allowed. Then had appetizer beers. Then dinner beers. Then dessert beers. Staggered home after one some time. Called it an early night.

Saturday. Wake up to the phone, never pleasant. I have been trying, unsuccessfully to have my friends come to my house. Boat weekend. Who doesn't like boat weekends. Anyway, so I get the call. Jump up. Start trying to prepare for the invasion. Little do I know they wont be arriving for 5 more hours. As I run around like a crazy person. Cleaning the house, then bathing myself. Beep beep. Text message."Ok, we're gonna go eat then head down". Oh, all right. Guess I can cool the jets. Like I said, 5 hours later. Not complaining, just a slight miscommunication that made me run around like a chicken with her head cut off.

Get to boat, start drinking, start making goooood decisions. Wake boarding, fun. Falling, ok. Hitting the bottom of the lake at full force, I could do without it. Apparently we ended up in 3 ft of water. Oops. No big thing, the drinking numbed my leg. But hey, I got up, never did that before, so all in all, a positive. We then head back, start the eating process. We don't get food off the grill till after 10, but I had been supplementing with beer so I wasn't too hungry. Eating commenced. Eating ended. Steaks and shrimp, good. Then the shitshow. People jumping off the dock. People flipping of the deck. People falling down the teeny hill off the porch. People taking straight shots of JD. People drinking out of measuring cups. Whataburger at 4, and done. If you will notice, the details were a lot clearer earlier in the day. But the night is done to the best of my ability. All I know is my Sunday night I could barely walk I was so sore. I have bruises all over my legs and arms. Cuts down my left leg. And knots down my shin that make it look like Tanya Harding had a go at me.

Jealous?