No Joke, I Met Someone Who Didn't Know What A Koozie Is.

A while back, I started to examining my blog. Many blogs I read have a weekly/monthly item. Lindonian has her cocktails and MODG has her Friday confessions. I have noticed a pattern in my writing, and it has to do with Mo's. I have previously defined "Mo", but it was so embedded in a rant, I can hardly blame someone for missing it. Therefore, my personal periodical of choice will we be titled, "Mo is for Moron". I have already written a few installments, but from now on, I'll try to have a little more structure.

Koozies. A delightful contraption designed to keep your beer cold, and your hand warm. I realize not everyone is me, and not everyone has one on them or in their car at all times, I do not judge you. I myself am a "comfort" person. I like having a warm hand. The Mo for the day is a yankee residing in South Florida. Let's call him Teddy. I'm sure you are assuming that I chose to respect his privacy and keep his name a secret, but no. His name is in fact Teddy, and he is a Mo. 

While I myself was living in Florida, I was constantly under ridicule for my little neoprene friend. His clever retort was always the same, "Well, I drink my beer fast enough that it doesn't get warm". I of course followed with, "Ya, and what about your hand, dumbass." Teddy: "Oh, right, uhhh...". But the whole thing started with him asking, "what's that?", or, "what do you call that beer thing again?" Really? Beer thing?

Now compare that with the 30 minute conversation I had with my cousin about koozie design. For his ranch weekend, he is making koozies instead of the traditional t-shirt. It was my job to edit his wording, pick a font, add a decal, scale down the Lonesome Dove quote, an make it all fit on a koozie. Once I had done that, I sent it to him to verify and the 30 minute gchat ensued. What about this? Why not move that there? Should we put a date? And on and on. So today, I emailed him again, after we had already finalized the plans. A new idea had formed. I send it off to gain approval. Approval was of course given, for I am a design genius. In addition, I was forwarded another email, from a third party, who my cousin had asked to review our plans. I put his ideas into action. So let's see, my mother handed the project off to me. Kay Ann will be doing the ordering. I was in charge of design, and Ben and John handled the final product. I'm just saying, we take our koozies seriously. I hope the boys of Ranch Weekend 2010 appreciate them as much as we do.

People Who Are Just Asking To Be Lied Too

When the topic of "what celebrity do I look like" comes up, I cringe. It is just one of those moments where something bad could be said. This topic came to mind because a recent FB chain popped up.

 "During this week change your profile picture to someone famous (actor, musician, athlete) you have been told you look like. Lets keep this fun going...post this to your profile and see who does it!"

Ok. Personally, not big into the whole chain status thing, but if I was I would still skip this one. I say that because the girl's profile I found this on changed her pic to Giselle Bündchen. Give me a fucking break. I'm not saying this girl is unattractive, I'm just saying that who in there right mind would want to be compared to Giselle. The woman is a goddess. A) you don't look like her. B) if you think you do, get glasses. C) we all know you are just waiting for us to say "OMG you sooo do." Bite me.

 

And what if your friend looks like someone unattractive. They don't necessarily need to be unattractive, but you could see them as an unattractive cousin. Do you think said person is going to like this compliment. Probably not.

Or there are people like me who look like no one, so we get told we look like everyone. I take the compliment, say thank you, and go on with my life. But never do I think, "they were right. I do look like Julia Roberts". Because I don't. 

 

 Now, there are those friends who do look like attractive celebrities, and you are able to tell them so truthfully ( J-Money, you know who you are). I am not saying you should hold in such a compliment, but do make sure it is a compliment. It can be a dangerous topic of conversation.

And, If you feel strongly that I do in fact look like someone famous, I will not reprimand you for telling me. Just make sure it's not someone crappy.

 

The Gambino

It is babysitting time in my world, and I am babysitting one crazy 6 month old. And at over 75lbs, one incredibly large 6 moth old. I would like to pretend for just a moment that at least one of you was fooled into thinking I was talking about a real child and not a great dane, but I doubt it. I went on a run, woo hoo (meaning I actually was able to keep a promise to myself). Now we will be eating dinner and watching crap TV because Momma can't stop us. Also, I just stopped him from eating a stick, who eats sticks?? I like to spoil my godson.

Let Me Tell You About My Saturday Morning or There Are Some Mo's In H-town

This Saturday, I went to a class pertaining to my job. It was a mandatory orientation class but I was hopeful that I would be able to apply things I learned to the real world. Wrong-o. I am all for "bettering" myself and taking time to learn about my job, but this was ridiculous. Now, I can't divulge to many details, because the woman who ran the show made it clear she googles herself on a daily basis and I'd rather not start something unpleasant. We'll just call her Ash.

The room was had about 50 people in it of all ages, but at 24, I was definitely the low end. The class was about getting your name out there, and using websites and other tools to their maximum potential. Instead of asking us, have you heard of Facebook, she would say, "just FB me". I of course understood, but not everyone uses abbreviations to the extent of our generation. And yes most people know what FB means, or what Facebook us. But there were 60 year old men in this class, so let's give them a break. After she said it, she would pause, find the blank faces and say..."Do you not know what FB is? Facebook? Oh I have to show you." Every time. And yes, FB is well known, but she used it for at least 20 different websites. And every time, she would wait until someone had a blank face so she could "inform" us, the wait for the oohs and ahhs from the crowd. 

To add insult to injury were the jokes. Geez lady. She would say sentences, that were not in fact jokes, but would emphasize them in such a way that people laughed, I assumed out of politeness. You aren't funny. But somehow, they KEPT laughing. I couldn't believe it. I thought it would be us vs. her, but no, I was all alone in my cynicism.

She also kept saying "did ya get that? did ya get that?" Um yes lady, I heard the words you just said and understood the meaning. I swear she said it 75 times. Or after her "jokes", she would say "just saying". I am a user of just saying but she abused it to an inch of its life. Just sayin'.

I know I'm not doing this woman justice, I wish I had a recording, because I know I sound like some hyper critical, mean person. And I am. But I'm telling you, this woman could be a drinking game. Now on a weird, not so annoying just interesting point, we saw about 7 different pictures of her. All of them were different. She is in a business where you have a lot of head shots. One for twitter, one for Facebook, one for your business cards, other websites. Yadda yadda yadda. Now when I say different, ai don't mean backgrounds, I mean it looked like different people. The woman standing in front of me and the woman on her business card looked nothing alike. Then her Facebook picture appeared to be of a woman 15 years older. And she was decent looking in person, so I didn't understand why all her pictures of so funky. 

I guess this blog can be filed under the no patience heading.

Victorious Yet Again

So, I had a couple of victories this week. Small yet significant. I think we all know how I feel about Lonesome Dove, so I won't go into that, but I will say that it confuses me how someone could not like it. And by confuse I mean 100% don't understand. I know many people who have never read or seen it. That is "fine". I also understand thinking you won't like it for varying reasons (length, it's a western, it was made in '89). But once you have seen it and claim to not like it, then you are just being stubborn. Moving on.

Kate is one of the many people who refused to watch it with me. Too long. But Kate has a weakness. Pralines. So for my first victory, I tackled the sickeningly sweet desert, and voila. A trade was made, 2 hours of LD if I was to make pralines. Only one problem. I have heard pralines are difficult to make. I was afraid, and rightly so, that if I came to the viewing with sub par pralines, her end would not be upheld. With the prospect of a convert on my hands, I was able to pull off some very impressive sugary pecan clusters. They. Were. Good.

Second victory. Lonesome Dove is 4, 1.5 hour parts. Kate was not very optimistic. Honestly I don't think she thought I would follow through, jokes on her. After part one was over, I automatically started part 2. After that we took a break to prep dinner. Part 3 was watched while eating dinner. At around 9:00 we made the decision, "why stop there?". Onto part  4. Seriously. We watched the WHOLE thing. It was awesome. Her mom and sister came in for varying parts. Momma knew the story, but Sally was lost. She happened to come in during one of the more, shall we say, moving moments, and was quite confused as to why I was crying so profusely. Gets me every time. When the show ended, Kate said she loved it, and wanted to go read it right away. It was great. Her words. So, with that as evidence, I implore even you strongest of naysayers to give into what could be some of the best hours of television you ever watch. Ever.

P.S. You'll notice that Tommy Lee Jones, Robert Duvall, and Diane Lane made the top 10 lists. All three were in LD. All three were awesome in it.

Running, Forrest Gump Style

Nothing like a marathon to get you thinking about your own running habits. If it's gonna be a marathon, it might as well be a cross country trek a la Gump. They are about as likely. So my Uncle Mark ran the Houston Marathon this weekend, at the age of 56. I watched him cross the finish line and my parents followed him most of the way.

 James, Dad, Uncle Mark

Now, never say never, but it is HIGHLY unlikely that you will ever catch me running a marathon. So with that in mind, let's start small. When I run, I do about a two mile stretch. Sometimes less, sometimes even less. But two miles. So for the first goal, it'll be a 5k. Nothing too difficult. To apply pressure to the situation, the family has volunteered me to run next year, in one of the 3 events. The full marathon(good joke), the half marathon(keep dreaming), or the 5k (bingo). A promise is a promise, and if my uncle can run 26, I can run 3. Having a year to run a 5k seems simple, and it is. But I would like to be in good enough shape that I can run it, with family watching, and not hang my head in shame. So this is the year of 5k's I've decided. My brother and father run them, so I know I'll have company. There, my goal is set (match).

The Ladies Of The T-Cove

So, I awoke this morning, with the sound of my mother chit chatting at the door. It was a voice I recognized as the one and only J Brant. Time to get up. The ladies of the TCGC were about to descend upon us. I had two options. Skedaddle. Or stay and help. I chose to stay. I was in charge of food prep. My mother in charge of checking every nook and cranny. Because of that bastard hurricane, we have recently had a remodel. Not extreme, but the house looks good. Many of the women haven't seen it since before, so this was its unveiling. 

Then J Brant came back bearing gifts. Nothing special really. Just a beautiful bouquet, she just whipped up from her own garden. That woman. Here I am microwaving and thawing frozen finger foods like its gourmet, and she comes in all mother nature. Love her, really I do, but it is frustrating to see someone do something you are totally not capable of. I mean, I'll never swim like Aaron Peirsol, but that's like godly ability. Common tasks and everyday things are more frustrating. Like when you follow someone recipe EXACTLY and it tastes fine, but not awesome. What is that?

Anyways, the lady who lunched, came and well, lunched. I had a jittery amount of coffee, shooed them out the door, and then off to work. Now, the coffee is wearing and I am hungry. What cures hunger and tiredness? Anybody got some crack?

The Blogoshpere

It took me about 2 years to actually start my blog. I set up the site, I looked at the colors, but no writing happened. Then with the pressure from Linden, I decided that I could figure out something to write about. I have thoughts. When I started writing, it was more like a journal. I was writing to myself. Then it was more in email form. I wrote to my friends, trying to keep them connected as we scattered over the globe. I had a clear vision, drinking and the events it causes. But what if I don't drink. Ridiculous question, I'm aware. But really, I take a weekend off, and I feel as if my writing suffers. Then there is always the back up of football, I mean I could go off on some rants about football. But some people ain't into football. Some people actually dislike it. We call those people communists. Then there are the personal stories I find "pee your pants" hilarious. A lot of funny ass shit happens to each of us everyday, ok some days suck. But still, said in the right tone, people will even laugh at misfortune. But again, maybe that's just me. My mother says I get a sick/mean sense of humor from her. I think people just need to learn to laugh at themselves, but that's a whole other issue. So what should I write about everyday?

My favorite blogs don't have a  theme so much, and I guess that's what I'm going for.Let's discuss themes. I like my cousins' blogs about their babies. But I like them because they are my cousins' babies. Living in California means I see them like once a year, if that. I am in no way baby crazy, but I do love my family, and it would be sad to see them 3 times before the age of 5. Other peoples babies, eh. I mean ya, so they're cute, but I don't care. The diapers and the no sleep and the feeding and the crying. No. Thank. You.

Then there are the cooking blogs. I like cooking. I like eating. But for me, I use these blogs in a more one time usage. Very, wam, bam thank you m'am style. The recipes are good, the advice is good. But I always stumble across them when I already have an idea in mind, and google search sends me on my merry journey. In no way do I think cooking blogs are inferior. They are a vital part of my culinary attempts. And maybe one day I will find one that strikes my fancy. Let that be a challenge to you.

The travel blogs. Handy. Travel blogs are handy. Very useful. The hard thing with travel blogs, is you have everyone from your grandma, to your one night stand reading it. Sometimes content and grammar can be an issue. Still, handy.

But to me, the everyday blogs are the best. A bit of everything. But what blogs do we read?

Well, there are the family blogs. Then the friend blogs, the travel blogs, the bored at work blogs.The we find blogs, some by accident, some by suggestion. And we read them like we know them. We read them because if we stop, some how they will know and it will hurt there feelings. It truly is an addiction. 

So,I guess I have finished my novel for the day. It all started when I had nothing to write, so I thought, "Let's break down the reasons why." Not really, way too deep for me.

What Am I Going To Do For The Next 34 Saturdays?

I feel like it was only yesterday that I was drunk in Austin for the first football game of the season. Alas, all good things must come to an end. And I say good to try and not sound bitterly upset that out perfect season ended with less than anticipated greatness. Honestly, it is a surreal feeling. I'm not that upset. I mean, I wish with all my heart it had turned out differently, but what can you do. If they had flat out beaten our full roster, maybe I would be more upset. But to me this is like James beating me in a race if my feet had been cut off. I think he's gonna win. I was hopeful the whole game. Comebacks are awesome, and that kid pulled out some impressive passes that he should be congratulated on. I wish for his sake this wasn't how his career had started. I know he's taken snaps, but now he will be remembered as the one who couldn't save us. He'll just have to do something awesome in the next three years to change our memories. Anyways Gilbert, give 'em hell, give 'em hell.

College Football, Your Day Has Come

I'm going to try to keep this rant short, but I realize I'm off to a bad start when I call it a rant. I love college football, and I'm sad to see it go. It was a great couple of months. I'm also sad to see the sad state of fandom in this city. We are in Texas for god sake. I know all you Aggies are butt hurt from the sad state of your team, but c'mon, Bama? And I guess you LSU fans are slightly less in the wrong, SEC and all, but then again, why'd you go to LSU in the first place? All I ask on this holiest of holy days is that I have a group of Longhorns to watch the game with. I could go to Austin, but that's a bit of a drive. Per my post, I'm not very nice. I am also not a good sport. Texans, Astros, Rocktes, it all bums me out but I can handle it. UT makes me mean. I don't want to be hanging out with some people who don't care either way and have to deal with their shit talking. I'm not a good sport, I won't think it's funny. I'm nervous.

HOOK 'EM HORNS!!!!!

More Evidence That I Am Not A Person With Patience

People annoy me. A lot. I don't mean they really annoy me, I mean that I am annoyed, on varying levels, a lot of the time. Stupidity, for example, is a large, contributing factor. Interrupting me, or others I am trying to listen too, quite annoying. Then there are the incompetent drivers. If I have a child, my driving profanity will have to be one of the things I work on the most. Might not even happen, who knows. Let's start with the geniuses we all run into on a daily basis.

The workplace. I have not exactly placed myself amid the Mensas of the world. When I started in hotels, most of my bosses had degrees from college. Some however, did not. But this is not the defining line between smart, and shall we say dumb as dirt. As a child, I have always listened to adults. They were generally smarter than me. Up until age 7 that is. While in Florida, everyone believed they were the end all be all. I was in a less than glamorous position, and these yahoos thought that made me illiterate. Wrong-o. This might have actually been where the whole "stupid people need to go" thing started. The systems and plans they had were mind numbingly backwards and redundant. There was no organization and no efficiency. It was beyond unbelievable. And as much as I would try and help and explain that there were better, simpler ways, no one would listen, for I was just "the help". Ok, back to the present, Florida always gets me off on a tangent. I work with a mo'. Now, for those who don't know my particular brand of speech, that would be a mo-ron. The instigator of this piece is a woman in my office. My examples will seem small and not that bothersome to you I am sure. But believe me, you wouldn't be able to stand her either. In the beginning, I didn't notice anything. She seemed nice. Then the stupid questions began. Then she started to talking to my boss like he was a child, pointing out his own property, like you would point a cow out to a baby. I think he knows its there, its his property! Another thing, she complains all the time!! On the phone, by the coffee, at lunch, in the car. All the time!! And its about her HOA, I get that the hoity toity can be a bit much, but you are one of them. So today, we are in the kitchen, cutting the birthday cake for someone, it was around 10 AM. I, like so many others, am working on not eating crap all day, starting with no cake and ice cream before lunch. All the guys now about my struggles, and tempt me none the less. I said the following " It just started, I'm trying here people, I'm trying to be good. It's already the 7th, and its already hard, so let me be good. I don't need to eat cake before lunch.You already make me eat Mexican twice a week, how am I supposed to lose weight?" Now, would most of you be able to infer that  I've started a diet. I mean, yes I didn't say it exactly, but I am a girl in my 20's. Unless you're a size 2, aren't you always on a diet the first of the year(or "being healthy" for those who don't like the term "diet"). She turns to me with a blank face and asks "what have you started?"... 

There are no words. 

Wii Fit And The Battle Of Brothers

In this new year, I, along with many, have decided to be more active. I went running yesterday, even though it was cold as balls. I don't really have a goal, just to do it more. When I got home, James wanted me to play on our Wii. Now, I rarely play on this thing, so James tends to beat me. Which doesn't bother me, until he starts his shit talking. Little kids can be so annoying. Needless to say, I ended up whomping him. I'm not saying I got a work out in, it is just games, but some of them really do make you feel like you're doing something. I think I'll head home and play for a couple of hours. It's way too cold to go run outside. Isn't it spring already?

2009 Went Out With A Bang

So, after a month hiatus, I guess it's time to write. Mainly, I wasn't by a computer as much, busy with the holidays and all. The holidays, are in fact, over. So sad. I hate winter, don't get me wrong, but who doesn't like the holidays. People visiting, movies to see, too much food to eat. Lets talk about food.

Christmas this year was a little different. We were told to branch out, that we didnt need a second Thanksgiving. So, we had all sorts of appetizers, grilling, bacon wrapped things. Then when everyone was good and full. We put out the turkey and stuffing. Basically we ended up with two meals in the time span of one. It. Was. Awesome. Followed by bread pudding with ice cream.

New years was really no different. Grazing for like 3 days. We stayed at the Lazy Dog Ranch in Dripping Springs and shot off fireworks and the whole bit. We even had a little snipe hunting. Quite funny to see grown people hunting snipe with their children, clucking noises and all. Greatness.

The weekend ended with a wedding in Austin. Laguna Gloria is quite pretty. Right on lake Austin,  it makes you jealous of all those people living up on the hill. Anyways, champagne was my drink for the last couple of days, and mad did I embarrass myself. Well it would have been embarrassing, but I don't remember it. People feel the need to remind me, which I don't care for.

Back to food. On Sunday morning, we ate a Juan in a Millions. I convinced everyone to get the Don Juan, and no one was disappointed. Davis finished 1 1/2, which is gross, but hey, its a feat none the less. 

On the football front, I was pleased to see the Texans win. I mean, there 1st winning season, nice. But as far as the Bengals go, what the hell? Try and stay positive. Geez.

Back in the office, might be a short week though. Football game on Thursday will determine my work schedule. if we win, I'm gonna want to party. I won't discuss the other option.