Since I last wrote, a lot has happened, or should I say a whole lotta nothing has happened. I quit my job because well I didn't like it and I figured now's the time to do what you want. So I quit. And because I quit, I felt like I had nothing to write about. I still have nothing to write about, so I figured I would just make some stuff up.
It is summer here, full on heat. I. Love. It. With summer comes so many great things, pools, boats, crawfish boils. Granted crawfish is more of a spring thing, but spring here is basically summer. I digress. This weekend for instance, and impromptu tubing session occurred. I ended up scraping all the skin off my left elbow, but hey, it was fun. My legs are all sorts of bruised, I believe my shin came down on someones knee, or head, I have no idea, but it hurt. While gardening today I had a little incident with a shovel, broke the skin. And I'm sunburned. I'm basically falling apart.
So I will leave you with that for know. It's been so long since I've written, who know if anyone still checks this damn thing. We'll call this a test run.
Taking Fridays off is a glorious idea. I don't know why I don't think of it more often. Last Friday was going to be a half day, but when I woke up that plan went out the window. I decided to take advantage of the beautiful weather and head to Austin early. It was a beautiful. I got to Austin around 1:30 and of course started my trip with food. Outside dining is what spring is all about. Since it wasn't quite happy hour yet, I switched it up and went with Italian food. Shocking I know.
After the food fest, H1 and I decided to spend the rest of the sunlight out of doors. We started at the driving range, because thy are BYOB and its cheap outside entertainment, really you should try it. Then we went to the park and watched the kites, tossed a baseball(?) and played big and little tennis. Little being half the court, its quite challenging.
After our strenuous work out session, it was time for tequila and queso, duh. At this point, something changed in me and I got hammered. I asked the waiter what drink had the most bang for my buck and he says the frozen margs. He brings out a fairly small size margarita but informs me it has three shots o tequila in it. Honestly, it was frozen tequila, and it was delicious. After we finished our very memorable discussion, sorry ladies it's gone forever, we headed up north for reverse happy hour. I did not need to do this. To make sure I was prepared, I drank a large sugar free red bull. Dumb. They haven't been "working" lately, but this one must have been super charged because I started acting like an 8 yr old who decided to down a Dr. Pepper Big Gulp. Embarrassingly hyper. Add to that 2 or 3 (again, I can't remember) margaritas and 2 or 3 vodka sodas and that was me at the end of the night. Drunk as a skunk.
The wine part of this weekend will come a little later.
Good ole Austin. One big drunk tank. I always enjoy my time in Austin. Food, drinking, more drinking, breakfast tacos. Have I mentioned I love breakfast tacos? Well I do. So Friday was shaping up to be a solid night out. Started at El Arroyo for mexican martinis, because well, they're delicious. Skipped dinner, and by skipped I mean had chips and queso and skipped the whole entree idea. Smart move except for one tiny flaw. I got hammered. I started the night with Kate and Jordan but Kate went off gallivanting, so Jordan and I struck out on our own. Ended up at Key Bar, because we are old now and apparently it is unseemly to be seen on 6th street East of Congress. Who knew? Had a good time until one of the guys turned into quite the douche lord. What makes people think acting that way is charming? I certainly gave off enough bitchy signals to let him know it wasn't working, but I'm not sure if he got it. So sad.
This is where it gets fuzzy so I will use my trusty blackberry to recap. I ended up dragging the girls to Maggie's (gasp! dirty 6th I know). Said hola to a couple of bartender friends who I will always be fond off because they saved my buttloads of moulah back in my school days. So very lovely to see them. I believe our next episode was a pedi-cab, which personally is just to guilt ridden. i believe I spent the whole time apologizing, then over tipping. Oops. BTW, I still haven't checked the bank statements from this night, too afraid to see the damage. Ok so, I know my last stop was Molotov, where the infamous water was ordered. I can't remember the last I drank water at a bar. Times they are a changing. It was also at Molotov that I remembered I had a key to Kate's place, which I thought was a block away. I was mistaken. As I trot on down 6th street, one block turns into two, two turns into ten. I was barefoot by the time I reached the door. In retrospect, I'm not sure why I didn't call Kate and alert her to plan. As I sit on her bed googling pizza places open after midnight. I hear someone open the door, but no one is there. I assume it is Kate, run and open the door only to find the porch empty. Confusing. Must have been a ghost. About 5 minutes later, I hear someone make a second attempt, This time I run to the door, throw it open, and scare the pants off Kate. Somehow we ended up with pizza, Kate is so supportive in my "eating healthier" routine. Low and behold, "Father of the Bride" was on, so you know I watched that until I fell asleep.
I am known, among other things for my ability to remember useless information. Whether it be regarding pop culture or people I met once's birthday, I don't forget silly things. Important things slip my mind, but if it can help me in no way, like a steel trap. I will get calls from people asking me a bit of random information and somehow I even surprise myself by knowing the answer. Just last week I spouted off two guys birthdays, just to prove my randomness. These "guys" were from high school and middle school and hadn't talked to either in over 6 years. So weird.
I have been called pathetic by some. Well excuse me, it it not a choice. I do not actively sit down with a calendar on Friday nights and put to memory all the birthdays. I don not quiz myself. I just know it. And I am far from infallible, I do not claim to be a master at pop culture. There is plenty I don't know. But tonight was one of those nights that proved I know enough.
Kate calls. Kate never calls, wonder what she wants.
Kate: I need to ask you a random pop culture question. But I don't have alot to go on.
Me: Alright, what do you need to know?
Kate: Well my boss looks like someone famous and I can't remember who. I'm going to describe her.
Me: It would help if you knew one thing she was in.
Kate: That's the issue I have no idea so I can't imdb her. All I know is that she has brown hair, a wide smile, and she's not like sexy or anything. She's a normal 90's movie star, kinda plays the b roles. Maybe she was in something with Chandler.
Really, wow, great description there Kathryn. So at this point I think of who could have been in a movie with Matthew Perry, or as Kate says, Chandler. Amanda Peet, not her. Salma Hayek, obviously not. Remember 90's....
Me: What about Neve Campbell (shot in the dark)?
Kate: Let me look her up. No, not her but close. I can't believe you got this close. You're ridiculous. I remember a scene where she was frazzled, maybe smoking a cigarette or something?
Me: (While looking at pictures of Neve), Well what about Parker Posey?
Kate: Let's see. Oh my god that's her.
Let's see, out of the 3 clues I was given, one wasn't even accurate, Parker Posey and Matthew Perry haven't ever worked together. Somehow though, I found my way to her. Another satisfied customer, another ridiculous conversation.
P.S. So this has nothing to do with the above situation, but my 11 year old brother just walked in saying something about the dog, and what did I do to her? I have a miniature dachshund named Darcy. She likes to sleep in jackets and blankets, and anything she can wrap herself up in that was left on the floor. I apparently left a north face on the floor. While she was trying to get out of it, she mistook the arm hole for the exit. She was able to get her head and front paws out, but then got stuck. She dragged herself out of my room by her two front paws. She was like an honest to god sausage in a casing. Highlarious. I held the jacket while James held her and I acted like she was a stubborn pillowcase and shook until she came loose. I doubt any of you have ever had that situation come up.
After Lindonia read my blog, she needed to know what brought me to my discovery. Honestly, I couldn't remember, it was just one of those things. But I prevailed and will share my thought process with the world.
Linden: I'm totally loving this
me: quite the discovery
Linden: agreed
how did you find it?
me: hm, now i have to think
im not sure
ladonia was the key
Linden: let me know
me: ya, im trying to remember
working backwards
i found it yesterday, so i cant just hit a back button
me: ok, so this is just ridiculous
but i looked up my history
and it told me
so, i started with the orca shit
which lead me to dolphins
which lead me to flipper
i google image searched flipper
Linden: ok
me: got lost, gotta find the image
Linden: lol ok
me: ok google search flipper, on the second row on the far right therir is a picture of
as german shepard
with a monkey head
with a ram horns
obvioulsy had to see what the eff that was
Linden: haha, right
me: which lead me to the ladonia "new herald"
Linden: bahahahaha
I'm posting this convo on my blog. happening.
me: i was thinking the same thing
Linden: this is a pure gold nugget that should be shared with everyone
So, in case you were wanting to follow in the mental footsteps of a genius, there ya go.
In my many travels around the world (wide web), I came across a small micronation in Sweden. It was formed to preserve artwork built in the 1980's. It is called Ladonia and it now has about 14,000 citizens. Of course I was skeptical since I have never heard of such a place. Wikipedia, as helpful as it is, is not very trustworthy. But when I went to the Ladonian website, it wasn't much better. Research ensued. Did you know there is a British West Florida micronation? Ya, they think they should be returned to dominion status, and have the same relationship with Britain as say Canada does. What? I mean, I've heard of the Conch Republic, but to me that is just Key West people trying to assert there uniqueness. Apparently, all you have to do to make your own micronation, is declare it. Maybe this is well known knowledge and I'm just behind, but I this to me is falling along the lines Petoria.
Back to Ladonia. Citizenship is free, all you have to do is apply online and you're in. Normally I wouldn't consider such a thing, but for $12, you can create a title for yourself. I could be a baroness, or a lady, or a countess. I could be Baroness Consuela Banana Hammock. A-maz-ing.
Or, I could just make the Republic of Timber Cove and become the real Cpt. Amurica. Can you imagine? The possibilities are endless.
P.S. Ladonia sounds alot like Lindonia, so maybe you should join and take your rightful place.
